A Few Thoughts on Heaven

Now, for those of you who have been with us for awhile, I've already discussed my religious beliefs (apparently, I'm what's called a henotheist, because I only worship one deity but acknowledge the existence of several others. I only learned this word yesterday. Fascinating!) as an eclectic pagan. And before that, I'd been a devout Christian. I was also an agnostic atheist for a few years, when I realized around seven or eight years old that I really had no proof that anything in the Bible was true, but I "accepted Jesus" (Gag me) around age fourteen and was a devout Christian during my first two years of high school. After that...well, I know some people who manage to reconcile the two, but for me Christianity and bisexuality (not to mention being transgender, aro, and a gray-ace with a libido) didn't work well together.

It wasn't that I had any beef with Jesus himself (I admire him, actually, but in the same way I admire Sylvia Rivera)...well, not much anyway. No, most of the reason I'm no longer wearing my beloved cross necklaces and fervently reading the Bible was because of my fellow Christians. If any of you remember "Jerry Falwell for Paganism" (Jerry Falwell being the very outspoken Southern Baptist fundie who founded and led the hate group known as Moral Majority and thought pagans caused 9/11)...well, Jerry wasn't the only one who alienated marginalized Christians in the US, driving them to leave the religion. But you all know my story.

That's not what I'm here to talk about, anyway. I'll fight the good fight. I'll educate people when I need to and I'll vent when the memories and bad feelings start getting to me. But other than that? I just want to live my life. I want to move on.

But one of the reasons it was hard for me to do that was the book Heaven is for Real. Doubts niggled at my too-trusting mind; how could a four-year-old who couldn't even read the Bible come up with so many details from it?

Then, only a few weeks ago, I found out something that, honestly, shouldn't have surprised me on account of Jesus not being a white guy and Colton (as well as a little girl named Akiane Kramarik, who I'm pretty sure was just dreaming) saying he was. Yeah, that's right Christians. Your precious Jesus was Asian. And Jewish. And poor. And I'm pretty sure aro ace.

I found out that Colton Burpo was faking it, as bad as Karma Ashcroft faked being a lesbian (though I'm still not totally convinced she isn't bi).

And this isn't just some rumor.

Think about it. The Burpos had been going broke when Colton's accident happened. They were desperate and needed the attention and money. Todd Burpo had broken his leg and struggled with a cancer scare. Of course they're going to do something drastic. So they put the kid up to this...this farce...and it gets to the point where they actually travel to meet Akiane, who by the way modeled that painting of hers after a very white family friend. The kid is confused and just wants to make his parents happy. Things start spiraling out of control. And after it all, America is one bad movie richer.

 So much like Alex Malarkey. What a surprise, right? I can't believe I didn't know. I honestly didn't put two and two together until after an old friend, a man who had trained to become a friar, worked as a youth pastor, devoted his life to the Bible, can answer virtually any question you throw at him about Christianity, and keeps close tabs on pretty much everything that happens in the religion, told me that Todd Burpo had faked the whole thing.

And it makes sense, despite Colton's claims that he really did go to Heaven, made when he discovered Malarkey's lie. Why does he feel the need to be so defensive, when many Christians (including myself, for a long time) actually found his story quite convincing already?

But these two (well, three, including Akiane) aren't the only kids who have claimed to visit the afterlife. The difference is that Wendy Chousmatison's story is a lot less well-known, probably because according to her, Heaven is feminist. I mean, an androgynous, dark-skinned Jesus who studied Buddhism? Gay people? Non-Christians? A society without classism? This simply won't do!!!

 Wendy doesn't seem to be faking it. Granted, it's only been three-and-a-half years since Wendy's own alleged (I say alleged because I have no definite proof that she isn't lying) trip to Heaven, and she has been pretty quiet about her experiences, compared to those two little angelic charlatans Alex Malarkey and Colton Burpo.

Her image of Heaven is almost exactly how I picture the Summerland. While that doesn't mean either of us is right, it's definitely caught my attention.l

Unlike Alex and the Burpos, Wendy had no apparent motive to make anything up. She was also much older than either Alex or Colton had been on their faked trips to the Afterlife, and less likely to merely buy into everything her parents told her about religion. If Wendy were going to lie, why would she need to do it?

Now, I'm not saying that Wendy's story is objectively, doubtlessly true. But it's definitely interesting to think about.

In Which I Totally Pwn a Sizeist, Misogynistic Writer

As I'm sure many of you know, I have a profile on the fandom website, fanfiction.net. I was scrolling through the Fairly Oddparents fanfiction archive when I found this writer.

As a nonbinary person, I'm reluctant to gender this person, whose identity I don't know. However, problematic language like "I like fat chubby female bellys" and their fetishization of lesbians and fat women indicates to me that they are a straight, cisgender, thin male.

In any case, this person seems incredibly ignorant and upholds discriminatory tendencies and misogyny in their writing, which I simply can not accept. So I called them out on it here. Look for my screen name, powerofthepen123, and that one really long review.

Of course, I can't make claims like "fetishization of lesbians and fat women" without proper evidence.

1. They write gay pairings, but with only femslash. There are no gay male pairings under the screen name Squishy Belly Lover (to be fair, I haven't written any major gay male pairings either, but I have included ace representation and made the relationship between my Firelight OCs, Aiya Singh and Blue Murphy, romantic and healthy and freaking not abusive or manipulative. I made it somewhat like a real relationship that would appeal to real teen lesbians, drawing upon the qualities that I look for in potential girlfriends as well as the experiences and stories I've heard from other young women-loving women). In their stories that include femslash, the characters seem to have little to nothing in common, to have no or very little sexual chemistry in the canon, or both.

2. The "romance" in these pairings, if you can call it romance when they're not really doing anything to make the women realistically develop a relatable romantic relationship, seems to consist mostly of the two lesbian characters going out to all-you-can-eat buffets while one character raids the whole thing and the other watches, almost drooling with lust as her girlfriend gains weight. The fat woman is somehow fine with this fetishization; realistically this is at least plausible because there's a myth in queer subculture that cis lesbians are unable to uphold the patriarchy, so it might not occur to these fat lesbians to call out their thin, cis girlfriends on the objectification they are perpetrating. However, this objectification is not portrayed realistically, and the potential opportunity to educate readers about misogyny in the lesbian community seems to fly right over Squishy Belly Lover's head.

3. The lesbian sex in SBL's stories seems like it came from fetishistic lesbian porn. As a sex-positive feminist, I support sex workers and that includes porn stars, but so much of pornography (excluding gay male) is marketed toward straight men. That includes lesbian porn, which seems to be more about performing for men than realistic sexual enjoyment for actual lesbians. Most lesbians I've talked to that have watched and/or read porn find lesbian porn unenjoyable. 

I've read lesbian romance that included sex scenes, and was often left feeling like said sex wasn't truly intended to cater to my desires. Of course, as a transgender fat person, I have issues with my body even though I'm trying to improve my relationship with it. But, body issues aside, I do know what I want in sex, and the heterosexism invading lesbian porn isn't it.

I'm a lesbian and I'm proud of being one. There are a lot of great things about being a queer woman (as I mentioned in the post where I came out as genderfluid, woman is one of the labels I identify with), but fetishization by straight men isn't one of them. If you'd like to read about how porn can be more feminist, check out this article.

4. When describing the appearance of the fat women in his stories, Squishy Belly Lover rarely goes beyond aspects of their appearances related to their weight. They make it clear in their profile that they find bigger women sexually attractive, but it's a fine line between having a preference and fetishizing a marginalized group of people (i.e. the harassment APIA, Native American, and Latina women face from straight white men). Judging by Squishy's stories, they don't seem to realize that this is fetishization, let alone that said fetishization is problematic.

I don't want to be desexualized for being fat, but I will also not tolerate benevolent sizeism. I am a human being and I deserve to be valued and seen as beautiful, just as anyone else does. Not despite my fatness. Not because of my fatness. But with, and regardless of, my fatness. I am a fat queer woman and I am beautiful. I am valued and valuable, though certain people - including Squishy Belly Lover - might not treat people like me that way.

5. Squishy Belly Lover presumes to understand the experiences of fat women and lesbians - clearly, they haven't actually talked to any fat women or lesbians about this. Their work practically reeks of thin privilege and male privilege, another thing that leads me to believe they are a thin, cis male. They are not a woman. They are not fat. They are not gay. If they are going to write stories about fat, gay women - and they should, because fat gay women deserve to be written about - they need to be sensitive and listen to the experiences of actual fat, gay women in order to write these stories respectfully.



Media inclusivity is important. So is using a privileged voice responsibly. It is up to us, as privileged writers, to do so.