A Few Thoughts on Heaven

Now, for those of you who have been with us for awhile, I've already discussed my religious beliefs (apparently, I'm what's called a henotheist, because I only worship one deity but acknowledge the existence of several others. I only learned this word yesterday. Fascinating!) as an eclectic pagan. And before that, I'd been a devout Christian. I was also an agnostic atheist for a few years, when I realized around seven or eight years old that I really had no proof that anything in the Bible was true, but I "accepted Jesus" (Gag me) around age fourteen and was a devout Christian during my first two years of high school. After that...well, I know some people who manage to reconcile the two, but for me Christianity and bisexuality (not to mention being transgender, aro, and a gray-ace with a libido) didn't work well together.

It wasn't that I had any beef with Jesus himself (I admire him, actually, but in the same way I admire Sylvia Rivera)...well, not much anyway. No, most of the reason I'm no longer wearing my beloved cross necklaces and fervently reading the Bible was because of my fellow Christians. If any of you remember "Jerry Falwell for Paganism" (Jerry Falwell being the very outspoken Southern Baptist fundie who founded and led the hate group known as Moral Majority and thought pagans caused 9/11)...well, Jerry wasn't the only one who alienated marginalized Christians in the US, driving them to leave the religion. But you all know my story.

That's not what I'm here to talk about, anyway. I'll fight the good fight. I'll educate people when I need to and I'll vent when the memories and bad feelings start getting to me. But other than that? I just want to live my life. I want to move on.

But one of the reasons it was hard for me to do that was the book Heaven is for Real. Doubts niggled at my too-trusting mind; how could a four-year-old who couldn't even read the Bible come up with so many details from it?

Then, only a few weeks ago, I found out something that, honestly, shouldn't have surprised me on account of Jesus not being a white guy and Colton (as well as a little girl named Akiane Kramarik, who I'm pretty sure was just dreaming) saying he was. Yeah, that's right Christians. Your precious Jesus was Asian. And Jewish. And poor. And I'm pretty sure aro ace.

I found out that Colton Burpo was faking it, as bad as Karma Ashcroft faked being a lesbian (though I'm still not totally convinced she isn't bi).

And this isn't just some rumor.

Think about it. The Burpos had been going broke when Colton's accident happened. They were desperate and needed the attention and money. Todd Burpo had broken his leg and struggled with a cancer scare. Of course they're going to do something drastic. So they put the kid up to this...this farce...and it gets to the point where they actually travel to meet Akiane, who by the way modeled that painting of hers after a very white family friend. The kid is confused and just wants to make his parents happy. Things start spiraling out of control. And after it all, America is one bad movie richer.

 So much like Alex Malarkey. What a surprise, right? I can't believe I didn't know. I honestly didn't put two and two together until after an old friend, a man who had trained to become a friar, worked as a youth pastor, devoted his life to the Bible, can answer virtually any question you throw at him about Christianity, and keeps close tabs on pretty much everything that happens in the religion, told me that Todd Burpo had faked the whole thing.

And it makes sense, despite Colton's claims that he really did go to Heaven, made when he discovered Malarkey's lie. Why does he feel the need to be so defensive, when many Christians (including myself, for a long time) actually found his story quite convincing already?

But these two (well, three, including Akiane) aren't the only kids who have claimed to visit the afterlife. The difference is that Wendy Chousmatison's story is a lot less well-known, probably because according to her, Heaven is feminist. I mean, an androgynous, dark-skinned Jesus who studied Buddhism? Gay people? Non-Christians? A society without classism? This simply won't do!!!

 Wendy doesn't seem to be faking it. Granted, it's only been three-and-a-half years since Wendy's own alleged (I say alleged because I have no definite proof that she isn't lying) trip to Heaven, and she has been pretty quiet about her experiences, compared to those two little angelic charlatans Alex Malarkey and Colton Burpo.

Her image of Heaven is almost exactly how I picture the Summerland. While that doesn't mean either of us is right, it's definitely caught my attention.l

Unlike Alex and the Burpos, Wendy had no apparent motive to make anything up. She was also much older than either Alex or Colton had been on their faked trips to the Afterlife, and less likely to merely buy into everything her parents told her about religion. If Wendy were going to lie, why would she need to do it?

Now, I'm not saying that Wendy's story is objectively, doubtlessly true. But it's definitely interesting to think about.

Thoughts About Josh Duggar

TW: rape, misogyny, rape apologism, Christianity, incest

Until now, Mod Frey and I have been largely silent on the topic of Josh Duggar.

So I'll write a post about him - and, more importantly, the fact that he raped five girls.

Look, if you've even vaguely heard of 19 Kids and Counting - a show I've long despised - you probably know the gist of the story by now. Nine years ago, sweet little Joshie, then a teenager, fondled the breasts and genitalia of five young girls, four of whom were his sisters. His parents and a state trooper - a man who is currently serving time for child pornography - deliberately covered up the crime until the statute of limitations had passed. In fact, Duggar's rapes would have gone completely unreported if not for some investigating that uncovered accusations of rape (I don't know all the details on this, but I assume said investigating was done by someone who finds the Duggars as creepy and horrifying as I do; I praise their unknown name).

And the "help" these people got for Josh was a few months of carpentry work. Under a family friend who also covered up his crime.

Now that I've covered the background of the crime, let's get to the aftermath.

1. People have been calling this a "controversy"...and do I even need to explain why this is wrong? The man is a SERIAL RAPIST. He's the scum of the earth. That shouldn't be controversial. It should be horrifying.
2. People have been defending Josh Duggar. See #1.
3. Josh Duggar was once on the Marriage and Family Council. You know, one of those cults that pretends to "love homosexuals but hate homosexuality" or some other crap. Or maybe they just openly hate queer people. I don't even know anymore. These cults all look alike to me, and the Duggars really are one by themselves.
4. So...why is being queer a sin, yet rape is still defended?
5. People who defend Josh Duggar, I really need to know. Do you just have some strange obsession with making sure nobody has control over their own bodies?
6. In one of many awesome tweets responding to Josh Duggar's serial rapes - let's call them what they are - a woman said something along the lines of "I don't know why anyone's surprised by the cover-up. Putting the needs of a son over multiple daughters is the very definition of patriarchy."

Well said, strange woman. Well said.

The Truth About Conversion Therapy

Pray the Gay Away - EXPOSED

This is Laci Green's video on conversion therapy. Please just watch.

Some Things Christian Conservatives Don't Know About Being Queer

 Because, contrary to what you seem to think, you do not know more about queerness than actual queer people.

1. Sexual and romantic orientation don't always match up.

Sexual orientation is, simply put, who you are sexually attracted to and interested in. If you are a woman who is sexually attracted only to men, or primarily to men and occasionally to nonbinary people, you are heterosexual. If you are a man who is sexually attracted only to men, or primarily to men and occasionally to nonbinary people (see number two), you are homosexual. If you are attracted to your own gender - or lack thereof - as well as at least one other gender, you are bisexual. If you are attracted to multiple genders but not necessarily your own, you are polysexual. If you are attracted to an infinite number of genders or gender doesn't matter to you in sexual attraction, you are pansexual. If you experience little to no sexual attraction or have little to no desire to be in a sexual relationship, you are asexual.

Romantic orientation is...basically sexual attraction, but instead of or in addition to being sexual, the attraction is romantic. A heteroromantic woman is romantically attracted only/primarily to men, a heteroromantic man is a man who is romantically attracted only/primarily to women, a homoromantic woman is romantically attracted only/primarily to women, a homoromantic man is romantically attracted only/primarily to men, a biromantic person is romantically attracted to their own gender and others, and so on and so forth.

It is therefore possible to, for example, be both aroflux lesbian and gray-bisexual, like me; or a lesbian and autochorissexual, like Freyja. It's also possible to be bisexual and heteroromantic or homoromantic, homosexual and heteroromantic or biromantic, asexual and panromantic, pansexual and aromantic, and so on and so forth.

And it's also possible to be heterosexual and homoromantic, heterosexual and biromantic, heterosexual and panromantic, and so on and so forth. In other words, it is in fact possible for a queer couple to have romance but not sex. Or sex but not romance. Or both romance and sex. Or, hey, maybe even neither sex nor romance (queer relationships are incredibly diverse). So next time you assume being queer is just about lust and selfishness (I have actually heard this before. Poor brainwashed Christian), you might want to consider that maybe, just maybe, they might actually be not sexually attracted to their same gender at all. And if they are? It's none of your fucking business. Pun intended.

2. Sexuality can be fluid and ridiculously complicated.

3. America is not a Christian nation. We do not have to give a damn what the Bible says.

4. Asexuality is not just about plants.

5. Platonic love is just as strong as romantic love, just as valid, and just as important. We live in a culture where romantic relationships (especially hetero ones) are promoted above platonic relationships as superior, the default, and more desirable. This hurts aromantic people, or aros, who are often called broken or told that they just need to find that magical 'special someone'...who will of course be the opposite of their perceived gender.

You know who that 'special someone' is for me? My friends and family. And I can't understand why anyone would consider my platonic love for the people in my life to be inferior to romantic love, something that baffles me and frankly seems like some sort of strange disease, when I would die for the people I love.

Yes, there is a girl I'm romantically interested in right now...but my feelings for her fluctuate between romantic-and-wanting-to-do-romantically-coded-things and platonic-but-still-wanting-to-do-romantically-coded-things. And neither my romantic feelings nor my platonic feelings for her are inferior. No one is required to be queer in a way that makes YOU comfortable.

So take your amatonormativity and heteronormativity and stuff it up your collective ass. Aros aren't interested.

6. There are femme lesbian and bi women and masculine gay and bi men.

7. Femininity does not necessarily connote womanhood. Masculinity does not necessarily connote manhood. There are feminine, androgynous, and masculine nonbinary people.

Only decades ago, pink was marketed as a masculine color while blue was feminine.

Only about two hundred years ago, lace was androgynous.

Before the 1950s and '60s, it was the norm in literature for straight, cisgender (non-trans) men to be emotionally open and to have close, intimate, platonic, nonsexual friendships with each other. Just like it's the norm in modern literature for cishet women today.

There are still countries around the world where cishet men wear flowers and dresses, and no one thinks of them as not 'real men.'

Therefore, contemporary Western gender roles are completely arbitrary. There is no such thing as 'women's clothing' or 'men's clothing.' There is only clothing. Clothing's only gender is that of the person wearing it.

8.There are trans lesbians (women who were assigned male at birth and who are attracted, sexually, romantically, or both, to women and feminine folks) and trans gay men (men who were assigned female at birth and who are attracted to men and masculine folks).

9. Polyamory is, in fact, a traditional form of relationship. Even by Biblical standards. Seriously. Look in that thing. Your singular 'one cishet man/one cishet woman' definition of a loving relationship or marriage is ridiculous and hypocritical.

10. "I'm worried about you" is not a compliment. Concern trolling is not a compliment. Trying to 'save' us is not a compliment. Not respecting our preferred pronouns and names, in the case of trans and genderqueer people, is not a compliment.

What you're doing when you tell your queer loved one - and it's almost certain that you have one - that you "worry" for their soul is saying that the way they are isn't good enough, isn't satisfactory, is unsettling...for you. What you're doing when you email Bible verses to their Gmail or spam their Facebook account is telling them not only that you honestly believe these things will happen to them if they don't conform to your expectations, but that you think they deserve it. What you're doing is ensuring that they will almost pass out from a panic attack the first time they tentatively come out, even to someone they trust and love; that they will sometimes have dark moments in which they hate themselves and irrationally wonder if you were right the whole time; ensuring that they will self-harm; that they, like Leelah Alcorn, might walk out into the street and allow themselves to be run over because whatever happens after death has got to be better than living in a conversion therapy-, abuse- and harassment-induced hell on Earth. What you're saying is that they are disgusting, demeaning, less than human.

When you teach someone to hate themselves, it's going to have some pretty nasty effects.

Just ask Leelah.

11. 'Loving homosexuals but hating homosexuality' is still homophobia.

It doesn't matter that you just want to help.

It doesn't matter that you just want to save them.

It doesn't matter what your intent was.

What matters is what actually happens.

Now shut up, walk away, and try to empathize. Before you have their blood on your hands.

12. We know ourselves and our lived experiences better than you do. Trust what we say about our identities, because we sure as hell know more than your straight, cisgender parents and straight, cisgender pastor and everything you have ever read or heard that says we are sinful or disgusting.

13. Teresa Siagatonu, Denise Frohman, Wonder Dave, Ollie Renee Schminkey, Sierra DeMulder, Wyatt Kat Fleckenstein, and Chad Michael have something to say to you.

14. So does Macklemore. (There's a line in here that's a bit amatonormative, but he has a point.)

15. And lastly, there is, in fact, a queer agenda: equality.

Christian Supremacy and Me

I believe in God. I think Jesus is awesome. And today, when a random stranger on the street tried to 'save' me by handing me a booklet on the Gospel, I ripped that booklet up and threw it away.

Lately, I've really had my eyes opened to Christian supremacy. I mean, being bi, I've dealt with rude Christians who felt the need to 'help' me and didn't know when to back off or couldn't take the hint that I didn't want or need their twisted 'help'. And honestly, I used to be one of those Christians, though I never had a problem with gay people (and thank goodness, because otherwise realizing I was one would have been so much more horrifying to me). The way I acted wasn't cool, and I'm glad that I know that now so I can make amends for my actions.

My experiences, whether panic attack-inducing, like a Christian 'friend' harassing me on Facebook or simply annoying, like a girl I was paired up with for a school project on a Judaism-based novel acting like Christians are the only ones who understand what it means to be created for a higher purpose (and thereby dominating the conversation by talking about something that was irrelevant, inaccurate, and didn't pertain to the project), have been bad enough. But other people have had it worse. Sex workers, for example - what's so wrong with paid sex if it's consensual and safe? Not to mention everyone oppressed by the KKK, every woman who has died because she couldn't terminate the pregnancy endangering her life, all the people killed for being pagan or Jewish or disabled or queer, all the wives beaten because Christianity said they were to submit to their husbands, all the accused witches in the Salem witch trials, all the Muslims killed by Queen Isabella during the Moorish age, all the autistics mistaken for changelings and murdered during the Middle Ages, all the people cut off from their families for being different? How can someone do any of that and still claim they are acting out of love?

They can't - well, I guess they can but their argument is basically "But the Bible says so." And the fact that so many Christians still seem to think they are entitled to some kind of special deference after all of this is just sickening.

Not to mention, the reasoning. I mean, there's no way God wouldn't have been able to know that there would be other religions or people without religion, and if He had a problem with that He could easily force people to bend to His will. There's no way He/She/They/Xe (I see God as being pangender) would ever be like, "Just obey me unquestioningly, don't act on the sexual desires I gave you, don't get an abortion even if your life is in danger, always forgive someone no matter how badly they've hurt you, submit to your husband at all times, don't question authority even when the authority is being oppressive or unreasonable, don't fall in love if I created you gay or transition if I created you transgender, don't try to figure out the world that I created for you, and you'll be juuuuust fine." It makes no sense. There's also the fact that some people would legitimately have no idea about Christianity - so why would God send someone to hell for not being a Christian? If you look at history, there are no cultures that started out Christian - and the ones that became predominantly Christian had Christianity forced on them. When you think about it, most Christians (the conservative ones, at least) were raised Christian. Had they been raised Jewish, or Hindu, or Muslim, they would have been just as gung-ho about Judaism or Hinduism or Islam. A small child can't decide objectively for themselves what they believe, and they're going to trust what their parents and other authority figures tell them.

Am I a Christian? As I said at the beginning of the post, I believe in God and really admire Jesus - but I don't think Jesus is the only path to eternal paradise, whether you call it Nirvana or Heaven or the Summerlands or something else (I commonly use the term Heaven as it feels familiar to me, but I also like the pagan term 'Summerlands'). I agree, basically, with Christianity as Jesus intended it to be - love - but not with Christianity as people have allowed it and facilitated it to become. I am friends with Christians, most of you probably know that I was raised Christian, and I go to a Christian church and youth group (they know about my opinions on religion and there are several openly queer youth group members, so that hasn't been a problem yet). However, all things considered I can't theologically call myself a Christian.

 Do I hate Christians? Well, that depends on the Christian. I don't care what other people believe as long as their beliefs and the subsequent actions don't hurt anyone. However, if their beliefs do hurt people - and Christian beliefs often do and have for centuries - then I will fight back. Human rights are not up for debate, and I don't think God would ever intend for them to be. But, largely because of Christianity, they often are.