As a genderfluid person, I'm part woman and tend to shift between feminine genders a lot. I'm sometimes female, sometimes demigirl, sometimes androgyne, sometimes agender, sometimes demiboy, and sometimes I don't even know. I'm also regularly perceived as a woman, or at least as womanlike, so I'm treated as a woman socially and politically...which is sometimes dysphoria-inducing, actually...so I experience sexism. If/when I refer to myself as a woman or girl, these are my reasons for doing so.
As for my sexuality...I know it gets confusing. I've only ever had romantic crushes on four people, though most of those were partly platonic (and I'm not even sure if one of them was a crush), in my nearly-eighteen years, and all of my crushes have identifed at least partly as women and girls. So I call myself myself a lesbian as well as aroflux.
And being gray-ace, I don't experience a whole lot of sexual attraction in the first place and don't really want a sexual relationship. Should the urge to have sex ever strike me, I'll go off and do it. But in the meantime, I mostly prefer to just look at hot people and not do much of anything about it. The sexual attraction I do feel is mostly towards women, and I tend to favor femininity, but that doesn't mean I don't occasionally find queer butch women and masculine men (I'm not comparing butch women to men, I'm saying that I'm attracted to them less so than femmes because I prefer femininity) attractive. I have a thing for Tyler Posey, for example. But I don't really want to do anything about that and don't think I would want to if I had the chance. I just think he's good looking. Yeah...my sexuality is complicated. That's partly why I don't label it as anything but gray-ace and queer anymore. And now maybe as sappho. :)
As for my sexuality...I know it gets confusing. I've only ever had romantic crushes on four people, though most of those were partly platonic (and I'm not even sure if one of them was a crush), in my nearly-eighteen years, and all of my crushes have identifed at least partly as women and girls. So I call myself myself a lesbian as well as aroflux.
And being gray-ace, I don't experience a whole lot of sexual attraction in the first place and don't really want a sexual relationship. Should the urge to have sex ever strike me, I'll go off and do it. But in the meantime, I mostly prefer to just look at hot people and not do much of anything about it. The sexual attraction I do feel is mostly towards women, and I tend to favor femininity, but that doesn't mean I don't occasionally find queer butch women and masculine men (I'm not comparing butch women to men, I'm saying that I'm attracted to them less so than femmes because I prefer femininity) attractive. I have a thing for Tyler Posey, for example. But I don't really want to do anything about that and don't think I would want to if I had the chance. I just think he's good looking. Yeah...my sexuality is complicated. That's partly why I don't label it as anything but gray-ace and queer anymore. And now maybe as sappho. :)
1 comment:
In retrospect, as I read this post, my attraction to guys seems more aesthetic and slightly sensual than at all sexual. I mean, I like looking at guys and if I were in a QP relationship with one, I'd probably enjoy being cuddled and hugged by him. But having sex with one? No interest whatsoever. And, romantically speaking, having a boyfriend or husband? Nope, not for me.
And as for women...I don't know. I admit I'm curious about sex with them, I love looking at them and I think women of all gender presentations are beautiful (even though I do lean toward femmes). And I think I've felt sexual attraction toward them before, like three times maybe? I would want to be intimate with one, but I'd prefer that intimacy to be sensual and emotional. I don't really strongly want sex with women as I've heard other lesbians, both binary and nonbinary, do (and yes, women can be just as sexual as men - sometimes in a way that doesn't even include men). I want an emotionally intimate relationship with a woman and might not mind having a girlfriend or even a wife, as long as she doesn't go for the hearts and flowers approach and doesn't try to get me to have sex. I'd just want to cuddle with her, hold her hand, watch movies with her, play lasertag and board games, have ridiculous inside jokes with her, stay up late at night talking with her, go to concerts with her, do awesome feminist things with her, maybe even kiss her. That's my idea of a perfect relationship, and it would have some platonic elements and some romantic ones. Thus, aroflux.
I'm not even sure how I feel about other nonbinary people, sexually speaking, though I've been aesthetically attracted to them before.
So this is interesting. Am I gray-gynesexual? Gray-bisexual (not all bisexuals are attracted to men)? Just ace? Who knows! But I know I'm somewhere on the ace spectrum and that's a nice place to be.
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