FINALLY, Another Random Poem!

Unselfish Love

I've been told that queer relationships are 'selfish'

That our love is inferior, is sinful, isn't even real

But when I fell in love with a girl,

My affection couldn't ever be described as disgusting

Is love when you just want to be

With the object of your desire?

When you can talk with her,

About anything in the world?

When her laugh is the sweetest sound,

When you are continually amazed by her?

When you can imagine spending the rest of

Your life with her?

When she makes you laugh when you know

You're about to cry?

I've been told queer relationships are 'selfish'

That our love is inferior, is sinful, isn't even real

But when I fell in love with a girl,

My affection couldn't be described as disgusting

Love isn't disgusting

Whether it is romantic or platonic.

Not everyone among us,

Those you deem freaks and sinners,

Less than human,

Unworthy of respect,

experiences that strange desire for romance...

But why is platonic love lesser?

Why is romance so centered?

I fall between romantic and aromantic,

And my love is partly platonic

But it is not inferior

It is not lesser

Because our bared bodies look so similar.

Because I am both man and woman

I've been told queer relationships are 'selfish'.

Selfish? For wanting to be with her?

Selfish? For demanding bodily autonomy,

Not just for myself but for my queer siblings?

Selfish? For calling you out on your hypocrisy,

Your refusal to follow the First Amendment

That you have used to condemn me?

No. I am not selfish.

You are, because freedom of religion

Is not just freedom of Christianity.

Because what I do with my body

Is no one's business but my own

Because I demand agency,

But your discomfort is apparently

More important than my autonomy.

I love God. I respect Jesus

And his legacy of love

But you,

You have destroyed that

With the theocracy,

And the murders,

And the 'reparative' therapy

That you would call democracy.

Fuck your religion

Because you have taken that loving legacy

And you have used it to shed the blood

Of anyone who isn't your cookie cutter clone

I don't buy this 'love the sinner, hate the sin' crap

Because no matter what you pretend,

You still have blood on your hands.

Christian Microaggressions

I'm writing this post because certain Christians think they are entitled to make religious microaggressions.

It's against my beliefs - against the beliefs of most pagans, if not most non-Christians and some Christians - to judge anyone based on religion.

However, I have nothing against objective, well-thought evaluation. I have nothing against coming to conclusions through logic and reason, and then announcing them. In that sense, I will indeed judge people based on their religion - or rather, the behavior that they use their religion to justify.

I will judge the Taliban for using Islam as an excuse to be oppressive, vile murderers. Does that mean I am islamophobic? No. It means I am judging the Taliban and the persecution they perpetrate. Just as I judge the Taliban, I will judge Christian supremacists for being kyriarchal bigots - and often, equally as vile and oppressive and murderous as the Taliban. I will hold other people to the same standards to which I hold myself, and I will not be apologetic about it. If they don't meet these standards, I will judge and I will criticize. I will be a pain in the ass if I have to be.

And lately, I've had to be.

Christian supremacy is so pervasive in Western society, especially in America - even Michigan. Michigan is usually a pretty okay place to live, on the every day level - I'm probably safer here than I would be in, say, below the Bible Belt - but there are times when this state and the people in it just make me want to bang my head against a wall repeatedly.

Microaggressions are something that I, as a person with an intersectional, marginalized identity, suffer from all the time. From the casual use of words like 'retard' and 'slut' and 'faggot' in my school to teachers who don't seem to realize that accessibility is a thing to jokes about Ferguson that do not oppress me as a white person but which do enrage me as an empathetic human being, microaggressions are so incredibly prevalent in my life and even if it's just a joke, even if it's not known to the aggressor that their behavior is problematic, they're fucking not okay.

But this post is becoming rather long-winded, and I'm tired. So let's get to the point, shall we?

• "But you have to go to Mass." This was said to me while I still identified as Catholic, but had begun to question whether or not Christianity was right for me, as I was working at the church's pumpkin sale and skipped Mass because of that. Two things wrong with this: the aggressor assumed I was a Christian myself (though this assumption was somewhat reasonable) and it was ableist because it's frankly unrealistic to expect someone whose AD/HD was as bad as mine and who hadn't taken their Concerta that morning - because I usually don't on weekends, something that this aggressor knew perfectly well - to sit through anything that goes on for just over an hour, during which you're expected to be still (except for kneeling, standing up to sing, and getting the Eucharist) and listen to a long-winded - albeit friendly - priest the entire freaking time, and are reprimanded if you fail at doing so. I am seventeen years old, and this person was, to put it bluntly, not the boss of me. Besides, why the ever-loving fuck did it matter if I went to church anyway?
• The time a stranger proselytized to me in a supposedly secular space. A few weeks ago, I was in the parking lot of my public American high school, getting ready to walk home and not giving any indication that I even wanted to be approached, when an older woman, maybe in her fifties or sixties, walked up to me and said sweetly, "It's cold out, isn't it?" I don't like being rude, and in retrospect probably felt safe around the woman because she reminded me of my aunt Karen - which does not excuse her actions - so I engaged with Strange Lady in some brief small talk. Before I could even process what's going on or pick up on her social cues - eff you, cognitive difficulties - the lady said, while giving me a pamphlet about the Bible, "Here's some information about God. You might be interested." Sweet smile again, and she walked off - farther onto school property, likely preparing to recruit some other teens, who hopefully for them would be allistic and therefore better able to recognize social cues and escape. At the time, I was just like, WTF just happened? Looking back, I can't help but wonder what in the world she thought she was doing, proselytizing to random teenagers who were innocently trying to walk home, on the property of a public school. Separation of church and state, much?! Also, it pisses me off that she was only nice because she was trying to recruit me. Is she like this with everyone, only polite if they're Christians or if she's trying to get them to be? Would she have been even more rude if she'd known I was actually a pagan, sex-positive queer feminist? I'll never know, but she sure gave the impression that she would have been.
• That thing my mom said while we were holiday shopping. Then, when my aunt Heather (yes, Jeffory, Aunt Heather is Abby's mom) informed her of this tonight at my cousin Sam's birthday party, Mom had the nerve to tell me I'd been rude. Really?! (In case you're wondering, I half-jokingly informed Aunt Heather that she was kicked off the blog and ignored my mother before my lovely PITA side decided to make an appearance. I rather like my PITA side, but there are times when you just gotta bite your tongue.) Later, when she and the stepdad were discussing whether to go to church tomorrow, she asked me whether I thought church on Christmas Day was enough. As a pagan and as someone who frequently forgets their AD/HD medicine on the weekends, I was of course eager to avoid church. So I quickly said that I thought it was, and then proceeded to inform her that I thought nature was a better setting in which to worship God anyway, I'd never liked Mass (except for the music), even when I'd been an extremely devout Christian, and the idea of worshiping the Creator of the Universe in some man-made building as opposed to creation itself just confuses the living daylights out of me. But I digress. And that leads us to the latest...
• "If you want to be a Catholic, you have to go to Mass." Clearly, Mom knows I'm a pagan now (also, this probably means she also knows I'm queer. Hi, Mom!). The fact that she got this information from Aunt Heather, who got it from my blog, should be a pretty clear indication that I do not want to be a Christian. Does she respect my intelligent, well-thought decision? No, she doesn't. Because the fact that I'm not a Christian despite having been born into a Christian family and having mostly Christian friends obviously means there's something wrong with me. I'm a pagan, so clearly I need to be brought back to the "winning team", to quote that episode of The Simpsons where Lisa becomes a Buddhist. Here's the thing: I have no desire to become a Christian. I'm a pagan and very happy with that fact. She also seems to think that my calling her out on these aggressions and the others that she has made is a personal affront to her. It's not. It's me explaining my frustrations with Christian supremacy and microaggressions during a season which is so frequently associated with Christianity but is also a time of celebration for Judaism, quite a few European pagan paths, and God (pun intended) knows what other religions. It's me talking about the fact that I resent her ignorance and that of so many other Christians when it comes to something that is not only a vital part of my identity but hugely influenced our family history and that her religion had appropriated for the holiday we were celebrating.

I should really get some sleep. It's after midnight. Blessed be to all, and to all a good night.

Christian Supremacy and Me

I believe in God. I think Jesus is awesome. And today, when a random stranger on the street tried to 'save' me by handing me a booklet on the Gospel, I ripped that booklet up and threw it away.

Lately, I've really had my eyes opened to Christian supremacy. I mean, being bi, I've dealt with rude Christians who felt the need to 'help' me and didn't know when to back off or couldn't take the hint that I didn't want or need their twisted 'help'. And honestly, I used to be one of those Christians, though I never had a problem with gay people (and thank goodness, because otherwise realizing I was one would have been so much more horrifying to me). The way I acted wasn't cool, and I'm glad that I know that now so I can make amends for my actions.

My experiences, whether panic attack-inducing, like a Christian 'friend' harassing me on Facebook or simply annoying, like a girl I was paired up with for a school project on a Judaism-based novel acting like Christians are the only ones who understand what it means to be created for a higher purpose (and thereby dominating the conversation by talking about something that was irrelevant, inaccurate, and didn't pertain to the project), have been bad enough. But other people have had it worse. Sex workers, for example - what's so wrong with paid sex if it's consensual and safe? Not to mention everyone oppressed by the KKK, every woman who has died because she couldn't terminate the pregnancy endangering her life, all the people killed for being pagan or Jewish or disabled or queer, all the wives beaten because Christianity said they were to submit to their husbands, all the accused witches in the Salem witch trials, all the Muslims killed by Queen Isabella during the Moorish age, all the autistics mistaken for changelings and murdered during the Middle Ages, all the people cut off from their families for being different? How can someone do any of that and still claim they are acting out of love?

They can't - well, I guess they can but their argument is basically "But the Bible says so." And the fact that so many Christians still seem to think they are entitled to some kind of special deference after all of this is just sickening.

Not to mention, the reasoning. I mean, there's no way God wouldn't have been able to know that there would be other religions or people without religion, and if He had a problem with that He could easily force people to bend to His will. There's no way He/She/They/Xe (I see God as being pangender) would ever be like, "Just obey me unquestioningly, don't act on the sexual desires I gave you, don't get an abortion even if your life is in danger, always forgive someone no matter how badly they've hurt you, submit to your husband at all times, don't question authority even when the authority is being oppressive or unreasonable, don't fall in love if I created you gay or transition if I created you transgender, don't try to figure out the world that I created for you, and you'll be juuuuust fine." It makes no sense. There's also the fact that some people would legitimately have no idea about Christianity - so why would God send someone to hell for not being a Christian? If you look at history, there are no cultures that started out Christian - and the ones that became predominantly Christian had Christianity forced on them. When you think about it, most Christians (the conservative ones, at least) were raised Christian. Had they been raised Jewish, or Hindu, or Muslim, they would have been just as gung-ho about Judaism or Hinduism or Islam. A small child can't decide objectively for themselves what they believe, and they're going to trust what their parents and other authority figures tell them.

Am I a Christian? As I said at the beginning of the post, I believe in God and really admire Jesus - but I don't think Jesus is the only path to eternal paradise, whether you call it Nirvana or Heaven or the Summerlands or something else (I commonly use the term Heaven as it feels familiar to me, but I also like the pagan term 'Summerlands'). I agree, basically, with Christianity as Jesus intended it to be - love - but not with Christianity as people have allowed it and facilitated it to become. I am friends with Christians, most of you probably know that I was raised Christian, and I go to a Christian church and youth group (they know about my opinions on religion and there are several openly queer youth group members, so that hasn't been a problem yet). However, all things considered I can't theologically call myself a Christian.

 Do I hate Christians? Well, that depends on the Christian. I don't care what other people believe as long as their beliefs and the subsequent actions don't hurt anyone. However, if their beliefs do hurt people - and Christian beliefs often do and have for centuries - then I will fight back. Human rights are not up for debate, and I don't think God would ever intend for them to be. But, largely because of Christianity, they often are.