Food Bank Etiquette and Important Notes

This is a post for those of you who've fallen on hard times and come to the realization that yes you will have to ask for an an actual hand out this time round.

First of all, going to the food bank is nothing to be ashamed of hundreds, even thousands of people visit such places Every. Single. Day. and the only thing wrong with that is the fact that our society has made it so difficult to get by without them. Secondly if you do have to go to one you can trust me when I say that no one else there is going to be judgmental of you for being there, after all they're in the same boat as you.

I'm gonna move onto the Etiquette now;

Basic etiquette rule #1 -  If you are an able bodied, neurotypical, young person than trust me when I say you can stand in line a bit longer than the elderly woman with a walker it's polite to let this person cut in front of you in line or switch numbers with her if the food bank you're at happens to have a take a number system and you get one that goes in before her.

Basic etiquette rule #2 - Again this is for able bodied, neurotypical, young people. The food bank might have shady spaces or seating outside, if there are people who need these spaces more than you than you can stand in the light for a bit, I suggest bringing a pair of sunglasses and an umbrella if the light does bother you.

Basic etiquette rule #3 - If a person ahead of you happens to stall a moment to feed their child, whether it be by bottle, or breast, or just a little snack of solid food, you stay in your own space and let them be. It Is None Of Your Business.

Basic etiquette rule #4 - Finally I just want to say that it's rude to stare, so don't do it.

And now the notes!

1: There are A LOT of people at food banks, if this is a problem for you I strongly suggest bringing your phone (if you have one) or a book (again if you have one) to help you ignore them, it's not much but it helps me when I have to go, though I'll admit some people are still fairly rude and have bothered me whilst I read, drew, or listened to music.

2: Sometimes the people in charge of the food bank are just plain mean, they may care enough to help you get what you need but plenty of them are just there for volunteer hours, do not take their attitude as a personal affront it's their problem not yours.

3: Finally I want to say that people may push or shove when you are inside the food bank so if you did not arrive early enough to be first in line than I suggest hanging around in the back to maintain elbow room.

These are the observations I've made from regularly having to visit the nearest food bank for my own family, I could give more advice if requested but these seemed to stand out the most

Mod Frey

Things that should not be said to Asexuals.

"Why do you make (insert genital name) jokes if you don't like sex?"

I am asexual, that does not mean I have no sense of humor, sometimes these jokes are funny.

"Don't you care about your partners needs?"

Of course I do! I just think that they should care about my needs as well.

"So you're asexual, like you just don't like dating?"

Really dear? I said aSEXUAL not aROMANTIC, I am still quite happy with romance

"I bet I could fix that ;)"

I don't need fixing

"You just haven't met The One"

Life's not a rom-com, there is no 'One'

"You're being selfish!"

No I'm not, you are

Christian Microaggressions

I'm writing this post because certain Christians think they are entitled to make religious microaggressions.

It's against my beliefs - against the beliefs of most pagans, if not most non-Christians and some Christians - to judge anyone based on religion.

However, I have nothing against objective, well-thought evaluation. I have nothing against coming to conclusions through logic and reason, and then announcing them. In that sense, I will indeed judge people based on their religion - or rather, the behavior that they use their religion to justify.

I will judge the Taliban for using Islam as an excuse to be oppressive, vile murderers. Does that mean I am islamophobic? No. It means I am judging the Taliban and the persecution they perpetrate. Just as I judge the Taliban, I will judge Christian supremacists for being kyriarchal bigots - and often, equally as vile and oppressive and murderous as the Taliban. I will hold other people to the same standards to which I hold myself, and I will not be apologetic about it. If they don't meet these standards, I will judge and I will criticize. I will be a pain in the ass if I have to be.

And lately, I've had to be.

Christian supremacy is so pervasive in Western society, especially in America - even Michigan. Michigan is usually a pretty okay place to live, on the every day level - I'm probably safer here than I would be in, say, below the Bible Belt - but there are times when this state and the people in it just make me want to bang my head against a wall repeatedly.

Microaggressions are something that I, as a person with an intersectional, marginalized identity, suffer from all the time. From the casual use of words like 'retard' and 'slut' and 'faggot' in my school to teachers who don't seem to realize that accessibility is a thing to jokes about Ferguson that do not oppress me as a white person but which do enrage me as an empathetic human being, microaggressions are so incredibly prevalent in my life and even if it's just a joke, even if it's not known to the aggressor that their behavior is problematic, they're fucking not okay.

But this post is becoming rather long-winded, and I'm tired. So let's get to the point, shall we?

• "But you have to go to Mass." This was said to me while I still identified as Catholic, but had begun to question whether or not Christianity was right for me, as I was working at the church's pumpkin sale and skipped Mass because of that. Two things wrong with this: the aggressor assumed I was a Christian myself (though this assumption was somewhat reasonable) and it was ableist because it's frankly unrealistic to expect someone whose AD/HD was as bad as mine and who hadn't taken their Concerta that morning - because I usually don't on weekends, something that this aggressor knew perfectly well - to sit through anything that goes on for just over an hour, during which you're expected to be still (except for kneeling, standing up to sing, and getting the Eucharist) and listen to a long-winded - albeit friendly - priest the entire freaking time, and are reprimanded if you fail at doing so. I am seventeen years old, and this person was, to put it bluntly, not the boss of me. Besides, why the ever-loving fuck did it matter if I went to church anyway?
• The time a stranger proselytized to me in a supposedly secular space. A few weeks ago, I was in the parking lot of my public American high school, getting ready to walk home and not giving any indication that I even wanted to be approached, when an older woman, maybe in her fifties or sixties, walked up to me and said sweetly, "It's cold out, isn't it?" I don't like being rude, and in retrospect probably felt safe around the woman because she reminded me of my aunt Karen - which does not excuse her actions - so I engaged with Strange Lady in some brief small talk. Before I could even process what's going on or pick up on her social cues - eff you, cognitive difficulties - the lady said, while giving me a pamphlet about the Bible, "Here's some information about God. You might be interested." Sweet smile again, and she walked off - farther onto school property, likely preparing to recruit some other teens, who hopefully for them would be allistic and therefore better able to recognize social cues and escape. At the time, I was just like, WTF just happened? Looking back, I can't help but wonder what in the world she thought she was doing, proselytizing to random teenagers who were innocently trying to walk home, on the property of a public school. Separation of church and state, much?! Also, it pisses me off that she was only nice because she was trying to recruit me. Is she like this with everyone, only polite if they're Christians or if she's trying to get them to be? Would she have been even more rude if she'd known I was actually a pagan, sex-positive queer feminist? I'll never know, but she sure gave the impression that she would have been.
• That thing my mom said while we were holiday shopping. Then, when my aunt Heather (yes, Jeffory, Aunt Heather is Abby's mom) informed her of this tonight at my cousin Sam's birthday party, Mom had the nerve to tell me I'd been rude. Really?! (In case you're wondering, I half-jokingly informed Aunt Heather that she was kicked off the blog and ignored my mother before my lovely PITA side decided to make an appearance. I rather like my PITA side, but there are times when you just gotta bite your tongue.) Later, when she and the stepdad were discussing whether to go to church tomorrow, she asked me whether I thought church on Christmas Day was enough. As a pagan and as someone who frequently forgets their AD/HD medicine on the weekends, I was of course eager to avoid church. So I quickly said that I thought it was, and then proceeded to inform her that I thought nature was a better setting in which to worship God anyway, I'd never liked Mass (except for the music), even when I'd been an extremely devout Christian, and the idea of worshiping the Creator of the Universe in some man-made building as opposed to creation itself just confuses the living daylights out of me. But I digress. And that leads us to the latest...
• "If you want to be a Catholic, you have to go to Mass." Clearly, Mom knows I'm a pagan now (also, this probably means she also knows I'm queer. Hi, Mom!). The fact that she got this information from Aunt Heather, who got it from my blog, should be a pretty clear indication that I do not want to be a Christian. Does she respect my intelligent, well-thought decision? No, she doesn't. Because the fact that I'm not a Christian despite having been born into a Christian family and having mostly Christian friends obviously means there's something wrong with me. I'm a pagan, so clearly I need to be brought back to the "winning team", to quote that episode of The Simpsons where Lisa becomes a Buddhist. Here's the thing: I have no desire to become a Christian. I'm a pagan and very happy with that fact. She also seems to think that my calling her out on these aggressions and the others that she has made is a personal affront to her. It's not. It's me explaining my frustrations with Christian supremacy and microaggressions during a season which is so frequently associated with Christianity but is also a time of celebration for Judaism, quite a few European pagan paths, and God (pun intended) knows what other religions. It's me talking about the fact that I resent her ignorance and that of so many other Christians when it comes to something that is not only a vital part of my identity but hugely influenced our family history and that her religion had appropriated for the holiday we were celebrating.

I should really get some sleep. It's after midnight. Blessed be to all, and to all a good night.