Why Transracial Isn't Comparable To Transgender

I think a lot of you have heard of Rachel Dolezal by now - the white woman who spent years in the NAACP, pretending to be black. She identifies as 'transracial' (a word stolen by white people from adoptees of color, btw) and a lot of racist transphobes have supporting this, making the claim that if one can change their gender, why not their race?

Here's why not:

1. Transracial identity doesn't go both ways. If it (in this post, I'm using it in the same way Dolezal thinks it's supposed to be used) were legitimate, there would be people transitioning to whiteness and receiving white privilege. But there's not, and don't bring up Michael Jackson. The man had a skin disease.

Trans men gain male privilege when transitioning and are often accepted as men. Trans women do not have male privilege while they are closeted and presenting male, as the 'womanly' aspects of their identities would still be shamed and they would still have grown up in a misogynistic society. But when trans women are out, they definitely don't have male privilege.

A relatively minor example - minor, that is, compared to trans women of color being murdered and young trans girls being kicked out of their homes - would be the sexual objectification of Caitlyn Jenner. Most of you have probably heard people joke about how pissed Kris probably is about Caitlyn's attractiveness (a beauty contest that neither woman consented to), or you've heard them ask what the point of being a woman is if one is not attracted to men (this is heterocentric, and for the record Caitlyn's asexual. I don't know if she's also homoromantic, but she has specified that she is not a lesbian). Men, even trans men, don't get those comments. Just the fact that trans womanhood is so much more sensationalized in the media than trans manhood is an example of misogyny; it is not considered shocking or scandalous to be a man.

But people of color, even if they said they were white, would still face racism. They would be mocked and belittled, and only decades ago they might have been lynched for it. But Rachel Dolezal, a white woman, does the same thing and is encouraged and applauded by her fellow white people. White people love to appropriate black culture, but if a black person likes rock music they are accused of acting 'too white.' How is this fair?

2. Transgender identity has been around for centuries in multiple cultures - look at the Two Spirits of Indigenous America, or the kathoey of Thailand, or the fa'afafines of Samoa, or the hijras of India. It is something that people all over the world, regardless of race, sexuality, religion, socioeconomic class, body type, or any other factor, experience.

The words that modern, western genderqueer people use to define ourselves - like genderfluid, for example - were born from the fact that white Christianity dominated our politics and cultures, and therefore our lives, for so long. We, for too long, hadn't had the ability to articulate our identities in any way that already existed in our cultures. We needed new words, so we made some up. That's how language develops; otherwise, we'd all still be grunting and howling incomprehensibly.

But transracial identity, as Dolezal and her racist, transphobic cronies define it, didn't really become a thing until a few decades ago at the most.

And...that's pretty much it. So, don't be a transphobic racist, 'kay? Transracial=/=transgender. Don't defend Rachel Dolezal, or any other white person who appropriates non-white cultures. Don't excuse them. And for the love of all that is good and holy, DO NOT conflate transracial with transgender.

Some Things Christian Conservatives Don't Know About Being Queer

 Because, contrary to what you seem to think, you do not know more about queerness than actual queer people.

1. Sexual and romantic orientation don't always match up.

Sexual orientation is, simply put, who you are sexually attracted to and interested in. If you are a woman who is sexually attracted only to men, or primarily to men and occasionally to nonbinary people, you are heterosexual. If you are a man who is sexually attracted only to men, or primarily to men and occasionally to nonbinary people (see number two), you are homosexual. If you are attracted to your own gender - or lack thereof - as well as at least one other gender, you are bisexual. If you are attracted to multiple genders but not necessarily your own, you are polysexual. If you are attracted to an infinite number of genders or gender doesn't matter to you in sexual attraction, you are pansexual. If you experience little to no sexual attraction or have little to no desire to be in a sexual relationship, you are asexual.

Romantic orientation is...basically sexual attraction, but instead of or in addition to being sexual, the attraction is romantic. A heteroromantic woman is romantically attracted only/primarily to men, a heteroromantic man is a man who is romantically attracted only/primarily to women, a homoromantic woman is romantically attracted only/primarily to women, a homoromantic man is romantically attracted only/primarily to men, a biromantic person is romantically attracted to their own gender and others, and so on and so forth.

It is therefore possible to, for example, be both aroflux lesbian and gray-bisexual, like me; or a lesbian and autochorissexual, like Freyja. It's also possible to be bisexual and heteroromantic or homoromantic, homosexual and heteroromantic or biromantic, asexual and panromantic, pansexual and aromantic, and so on and so forth.

And it's also possible to be heterosexual and homoromantic, heterosexual and biromantic, heterosexual and panromantic, and so on and so forth. In other words, it is in fact possible for a queer couple to have romance but not sex. Or sex but not romance. Or both romance and sex. Or, hey, maybe even neither sex nor romance (queer relationships are incredibly diverse). So next time you assume being queer is just about lust and selfishness (I have actually heard this before. Poor brainwashed Christian), you might want to consider that maybe, just maybe, they might actually be not sexually attracted to their same gender at all. And if they are? It's none of your fucking business. Pun intended.

2. Sexuality can be fluid and ridiculously complicated.

3. America is not a Christian nation. We do not have to give a damn what the Bible says.

4. Asexuality is not just about plants.

5. Platonic love is just as strong as romantic love, just as valid, and just as important. We live in a culture where romantic relationships (especially hetero ones) are promoted above platonic relationships as superior, the default, and more desirable. This hurts aromantic people, or aros, who are often called broken or told that they just need to find that magical 'special someone'...who will of course be the opposite of their perceived gender.

You know who that 'special someone' is for me? My friends and family. And I can't understand why anyone would consider my platonic love for the people in my life to be inferior to romantic love, something that baffles me and frankly seems like some sort of strange disease, when I would die for the people I love.

Yes, there is a girl I'm romantically interested in right now...but my feelings for her fluctuate between romantic-and-wanting-to-do-romantically-coded-things and platonic-but-still-wanting-to-do-romantically-coded-things. And neither my romantic feelings nor my platonic feelings for her are inferior. No one is required to be queer in a way that makes YOU comfortable.

So take your amatonormativity and heteronormativity and stuff it up your collective ass. Aros aren't interested.

6. There are femme lesbian and bi women and masculine gay and bi men.

7. Femininity does not necessarily connote womanhood. Masculinity does not necessarily connote manhood. There are feminine, androgynous, and masculine nonbinary people.

Only decades ago, pink was marketed as a masculine color while blue was feminine.

Only about two hundred years ago, lace was androgynous.

Before the 1950s and '60s, it was the norm in literature for straight, cisgender (non-trans) men to be emotionally open and to have close, intimate, platonic, nonsexual friendships with each other. Just like it's the norm in modern literature for cishet women today.

There are still countries around the world where cishet men wear flowers and dresses, and no one thinks of them as not 'real men.'

Therefore, contemporary Western gender roles are completely arbitrary. There is no such thing as 'women's clothing' or 'men's clothing.' There is only clothing. Clothing's only gender is that of the person wearing it.

8.There are trans lesbians (women who were assigned male at birth and who are attracted, sexually, romantically, or both, to women and feminine folks) and trans gay men (men who were assigned female at birth and who are attracted to men and masculine folks).

9. Polyamory is, in fact, a traditional form of relationship. Even by Biblical standards. Seriously. Look in that thing. Your singular 'one cishet man/one cishet woman' definition of a loving relationship or marriage is ridiculous and hypocritical.

10. "I'm worried about you" is not a compliment. Concern trolling is not a compliment. Trying to 'save' us is not a compliment. Not respecting our preferred pronouns and names, in the case of trans and genderqueer people, is not a compliment.

What you're doing when you tell your queer loved one - and it's almost certain that you have one - that you "worry" for their soul is saying that the way they are isn't good enough, isn't satisfactory, is unsettling...for you. What you're doing when you email Bible verses to their Gmail or spam their Facebook account is telling them not only that you honestly believe these things will happen to them if they don't conform to your expectations, but that you think they deserve it. What you're doing is ensuring that they will almost pass out from a panic attack the first time they tentatively come out, even to someone they trust and love; that they will sometimes have dark moments in which they hate themselves and irrationally wonder if you were right the whole time; ensuring that they will self-harm; that they, like Leelah Alcorn, might walk out into the street and allow themselves to be run over because whatever happens after death has got to be better than living in a conversion therapy-, abuse- and harassment-induced hell on Earth. What you're saying is that they are disgusting, demeaning, less than human.

When you teach someone to hate themselves, it's going to have some pretty nasty effects.

Just ask Leelah.

11. 'Loving homosexuals but hating homosexuality' is still homophobia.

It doesn't matter that you just want to help.

It doesn't matter that you just want to save them.

It doesn't matter what your intent was.

What matters is what actually happens.

Now shut up, walk away, and try to empathize. Before you have their blood on your hands.

12. We know ourselves and our lived experiences better than you do. Trust what we say about our identities, because we sure as hell know more than your straight, cisgender parents and straight, cisgender pastor and everything you have ever read or heard that says we are sinful or disgusting.

13. Teresa Siagatonu, Denise Frohman, Wonder Dave, Ollie Renee Schminkey, Sierra DeMulder, Wyatt Kat Fleckenstein, and Chad Michael have something to say to you.

14. So does Macklemore. (There's a line in here that's a bit amatonormative, but he has a point.)

15. And lastly, there is, in fact, a queer agenda: equality.

Demanding To Be Respected Is Not Rude (TW: cissexism, invalidation)

Like a lot of other transgender teens, I've dealt with a lot of shit from a lot of well-meaning cis people - usually adults - who have decided they know me better than I do because of what my body looks like. And like a lot of transgender teens, I've been silenced when I tell them they're wrong.

Ugh, it would just be really awesome if people could comprehend that genitalia=/=gender. BODIES DO NOT HAVE INHERENT GENDERS. People do (usually, that is; there are people who don't have any gender at all). I'm genderfluid. My body is genderfluid. Nobody gets to dictate what my gender is but me, and I do have the right to demand that other people respect that.

I've been harassed online by transphobes, called a 'special snowflake', gawked at like I was a circus freak, and laughed off or yelled at when I got upset about being misgendered.

One of the most frequent examples consists of my mother calling me 'Miss Girl', me telling her not to call me that, her yelling that I have attitude, me yelling back not to call me Miss Girl, her pouting, her or my stepdad deciding to call me by my horribly feminine legal name, me telling them not to call me that, and them saying that it 'is my legal name.'

I'm not explicitly out to either of them as genderfluid. That doesn't matter. What does matter is that:
1. I have asked to not be called...that name, or any other bullshit feminine 'term of affection' that she or anyone else can possibly think of (bullshit because I don't believe you can have affection for someone if you don't respect them, which she clearly doesn't if she can't do this one small thing to honor my wishes).
2. My mother assumes and has assumed for my entire life that I'm a girl and only a girl, based solely on my genitalia, and her ignorance is not my fault.
3. She is the one who decided to name me...that...when I was a baby and too small and helpless to tell her that I would have preferred something more androgynous, too young and ignorant to even know what transgender meant. She decided, not based on anything I said but on the perception of someone who barely knew me, that I was her daughter. Never once considering that maybe I was her son, or just her child*. Therefore, I don't consider that name valid for anything but legal purposes, and I hope to make it invalid even in legal purposes when I'm financially independent.

For these reasons, I have every right to be angry when my mother or anyone else uses gendered language for me that I have asked them not to use, regardless of whether or not they know I'm genderfluid. When I am angry or when I correct them...yet again...they may not, however, say that I'm being rude or that I have attitude or anything like that. They are the ones being rude. They are making assumptions about me based on what my body looks like, and my body is no one's business and no one's to judge but my own. No one, not even my doctor, has deference over me when it comes to that.

*Whether I prefer to be called son or daughter or child, niece or nephew or nex (the gender-neutral term I created as a substitute for niece/nephew because there wasn't an existing one to the best of my knowledge), granddaughter or grandson or grandchild (I don't need to worry about brother/sister/sibling or aunt/uncle/xantle) depends on whether I feel more male, more female, both, or neither that day. Sometimes you can tell based on my clothing which one it is, but really the best thing to do is to just ask me. Or, if you're introducing me to someone, let me speak for myself so I can tell the person you're introducing me to how I know you without making implications about my own gender (e.g. Fran is my grandma, Jennifer is my aunt, etc).

Time to Set the Record Again

As some of you may know, it's Nonbinary Awareness Month.

As some of you may have figured out from my previous posts, I'm genderfluid. But I'm guessing most of you don't know what that means.

Let's start with the definition of transgender, shall we? Ask the average cis (non-trans) person, and they will tell you it means 'a man who wants to be a woman' or 'a woman who wants to be a man.'

No. Just no. That definition is so wrong it's not even funny. A trans woman is a woman, regardless of what it says on her birth certificate or what is between her legs. Same goes for trans men. They - or should I say, we - are not trannies. We are transgender. We are not freak shows. We are not anyone's entertainment. We are people. We deserve the same respect accorded to any cis person. And obviously, I am including myself in that statement. Because here's the thing: I'm transgender. I've already come out as bisexual and as pagan. Why not as another part of my identity: trans?

Now, let me clarify. On my birth certificate, it says 'female.' I have all the same parts as a cis woman - and, unfortunately for me, a little more than the average cis woman when it comes to cleavage.

I do not identify as male, despite the fact that when I was five years old, I cheerfully informed my parents that I was their son and have often preferred masculine clothing from the moment I was old enough to dress myself (though there was this one awkward phase during which I tried to force myself to be feminine because I thought I was a butch lesbian and that absolutely horrified me because I had this completely ignorant image of what people with boobs and a vagina are 'supposed' to be). I occasionally wear dresses and jewelry and makeup - though these really shouldn't be considered exclusive to women; it's rather imbecilic that they are. I don't mind female pronouns, though I also want to use male or neutral ones. Because, while I am female, that's not all I am.

There are days when I feel so uncomfortable with the feminine shape of my face and the shape of my body that I just want to hide in a corner, days when I can't stand the thought of wearing a dress and my identity feels between the two binary genders. On those days, I'm androgynous. There are days when I don't mind wearing somewhat feminine clothing (but still no makeup or skirts), but still hate being gendered as female because on those days, I don't have a gender. On those days, I'm agender. And there are days when I do feel like a typical girly girl and want to wear makeup and dresses and pretty things. On those days, I'm female. And some other days, I'm somewhere in-between all of this.

In other words, my gender is fluid. Therefore, I identify as genderfluid.

Are we all clear on this? Good. For a more articulate explanation of what it's like to be genderqueer (an umbrella that encompasses all gender-nonconforming people who do not identify as the gender opposite of the one they were assigned at birth), check out this awesome video.

If you have any more questions, post them in the comments. Or ask me in person if you know me in real life.