I Just...(TW: rape, homophobia, child molestation, pedophilia, mention of death, Christianity, sexism, victim-blaming, ableist language, conversion therapy)

I saw the most horrifying conversation about this video. Obviously, the therapist was horrible and deserves to have his license and Ph.D revoked and the boy's parents are absolutely disgusting people for putting their child in conversion therapy. All three of them need to be in prison as far as I'm concerned.

But that's not even the worst of what people have said. Don't read the rest of this post unless you're feeling powerful; even as I write this post, my stomach is twisting up in knots and my hands are shaking so hard I can barely keep from misspelling every word (yay for spell check and fancy education). I'm only doing so because I hope that one day, no one will have to write these posts.

A straight cis Christian man, Pittman STEELE LLC, had this to say: "gay is not normal, it is a Lifestyle, yeah you have the right to do as you please that's between you and God, but dont try to make it normal it has been around for centuries, and it's angering God the whole time!,...and remember when there was no AIDS, look if you want to be Gay be Gay but you don't have to advertise your sexual preference, im straight but I don't have to announce it, our sexual life is Private and it should always be that way, if someone is Gay ok, but don't try to rewrite Scriptures and make a fool of GOD, he didn't want this to be a part of our lives, people chose their Path and thats their right, but at some point you will have to Answer to the ALL MIGHT GOD, read the word it is clear that God wanted no parts of this type of lifestyle, dont get me wrong God didnt want straight men running around shagging every woman they encounter either but im just saying."

1. Being queer isn't a lifestyle. A 'lifestyle' would imply that it's a choice. Which it's not.
I never chose to be bisexual. I never chose to be gray-panromantic. I never chose to be genderfluid. I was just born this way (edit: I wrote this post before Lady Gaga made her transphobic and intersexphobic comments and before I came out to myself as gray-ace). The only thing I chose was to not hate myself.
2. Don't try to make it normal? Why the hell not? Part of the reason queer people are so discriminated against is because straight-ness and cis-ness are considered the default, the norm. And you know what? Let's just get rid of this ridiculous normal concept altogether and celebrate the fact that we're all different and all awesome. But a lot of people get treated like absolute shit and we need to change that. And honestly, marginalized people give no fucks if privileged people feel oppressed by our demanding to be treated with respect and dignity, our trying to "make it normal".
3. Of course he doesn't have to announce his heterosexuality. People are just going to assume it. No one's going to blink if he held hands with his girlfriend in public. But if I held hands in public with mine (if and when I get one) when I'm not passing for male? We are likely to have hateful slurs screamed at us by total strangers or risk being attacked and raped, being denied medical treatment or jobs or the privilege to adopt kids (not that adopting kids is really relevant right now) or service in restaurants and stores.
4. Yes, people's sexual lives are private...as long as they're not queer, apparently.
5. Don't try to rewrite Scriptures? What makes this guy think queer people, many of whom are culturally atheist or Jewish or Muslim or pagan or are culturally Christian but leave Christianity after being discriminated against by straight cis Christians (often straight cis Christians whom they trusted and loved, which makes the whole thing that much more twisted and vile), are at all interested in what the Bible has to say?
6. Who the hell does this guy think he is, thinking he knows what God wants? He's not God. Think about that for a moment. Now repeat it in your mind until you understand. Also, all Christians reading this who 'love homosexuals but hate homosexuality'? Back the fuck off. You're not God. You don't get to tell me or anyone else how to live our lives. You don't get to cause us psychological damage or concern troll or try to force us to conform to your ideals because you want to 'save' us...but many of you do all of that anyway. That shit is not okay.

Freedom of religion does not mean freedom of Christianity.

Another straight cis Christian man, PrepperWork Shop, said this (and many other atrocious things): "and a man and a woman is not some deviant behavior most faggots are kid fiddlers."

I'd call him out, but the other commenters did it so much better than I ever could. Particularly a rather badass woman named Ariella.

Here's what she had to say (among many other awesome things): "Really? 'Most homosexuals are kid fiddlers?' Because...I was raped as a kid by a straight man. So, yeah. Exhibit A."

And here's what PrepperWork Shop told her in reply: "Well you shouldn't have provoked it."

He just victim-blamed her for being raped. As a child, by a grown man.

Honestly, there is just so fucking much wrong with both of these men. As Ariella puts it: "you deserve to die. You and Pittman both deserve to go to prison and be forced to pick up the soap every single fucking day for the rest of your lives until the other inmates drag you off and torture you both until you die screaming."

*wide-eyed slow clap*

The things people say on the internet. Just those things.

I do believe Ariella concluded this post better than I could.

Demanding To Be Respected Is Not Rude (TW: cissexism, invalidation)

Like a lot of other transgender teens, I've dealt with a lot of shit from a lot of well-meaning cis people - usually adults - who have decided they know me better than I do because of what my body looks like. And like a lot of transgender teens, I've been silenced when I tell them they're wrong.

Ugh, it would just be really awesome if people could comprehend that genitalia=/=gender. BODIES DO NOT HAVE INHERENT GENDERS. People do (usually, that is; there are people who don't have any gender at all). I'm genderfluid. My body is genderfluid. Nobody gets to dictate what my gender is but me, and I do have the right to demand that other people respect that.

I've been harassed online by transphobes, called a 'special snowflake', gawked at like I was a circus freak, and laughed off or yelled at when I got upset about being misgendered.

One of the most frequent examples consists of my mother calling me 'Miss Girl', me telling her not to call me that, her yelling that I have attitude, me yelling back not to call me Miss Girl, her pouting, her or my stepdad deciding to call me by my horribly feminine legal name, me telling them not to call me that, and them saying that it 'is my legal name.'

I'm not explicitly out to either of them as genderfluid. That doesn't matter. What does matter is that:
1. I have asked to not be called...that name, or any other bullshit feminine 'term of affection' that she or anyone else can possibly think of (bullshit because I don't believe you can have affection for someone if you don't respect them, which she clearly doesn't if she can't do this one small thing to honor my wishes).
2. My mother assumes and has assumed for my entire life that I'm a girl and only a girl, based solely on my genitalia, and her ignorance is not my fault.
3. She is the one who decided to name me...that...when I was a baby and too small and helpless to tell her that I would have preferred something more androgynous, too young and ignorant to even know what transgender meant. She decided, not based on anything I said but on the perception of someone who barely knew me, that I was her daughter. Never once considering that maybe I was her son, or just her child*. Therefore, I don't consider that name valid for anything but legal purposes, and I hope to make it invalid even in legal purposes when I'm financially independent.

For these reasons, I have every right to be angry when my mother or anyone else uses gendered language for me that I have asked them not to use, regardless of whether or not they know I'm genderfluid. When I am angry or when I correct them...yet again...they may not, however, say that I'm being rude or that I have attitude or anything like that. They are the ones being rude. They are making assumptions about me based on what my body looks like, and my body is no one's business and no one's to judge but my own. No one, not even my doctor, has deference over me when it comes to that.

*Whether I prefer to be called son or daughter or child, niece or nephew or nex (the gender-neutral term I created as a substitute for niece/nephew because there wasn't an existing one to the best of my knowledge), granddaughter or grandson or grandchild (I don't need to worry about brother/sister/sibling or aunt/uncle/xantle) depends on whether I feel more male, more female, both, or neither that day. Sometimes you can tell based on my clothing which one it is, but really the best thing to do is to just ask me. Or, if you're introducing me to someone, let me speak for myself so I can tell the person you're introducing me to how I know you without making implications about my own gender (e.g. Fran is my grandma, Jennifer is my aunt, etc).

Badass Black Women

These beautiful, badass ladies have kicked some serious butt and took names while fighting oppressive systems of power and changing the world. They deserve recognition. Therefore, I'm reblogging these:

22 Badass Black Women Who are Leading Movements, Changing the World, And Generally Being Awesome

9 Badass Black Feminists and Their Books that Shook the World

100+ LGBTQ Black Women You Should Know

Sojourner Truth

Harriet Tubman

Ella Fitzgerald

Rosa Parks

Can You Learn Your History?

I wrote this when I had to call out an ignorant, overprivileged conservative who decided liberals didn't know history. You know, the history when white Christians saved the world and rescued immoral pagans of color from depravity...yeeaaaah, I can't even type that with a straight face.

Can You Learn Your History?

Can you learn your history? You know, the history in which interracial marriage was banned, LGBT+ and pagans were burned and hung by evangelical Christians, Black people were lynched for...existing or something, slavery was legal and enforced, women couldn't vote, segregation was legal and enforced, Japanese Americans were imprisoned in internment camps, neurodiversity was just "laziness", and everybody except for rich straight cis white Christian able-bodied neurotypical men was (and still are) systematically dehumanized?

Can you learn your history? The history that has continued today, in which a woman's worth is contained in her uterus and her relation to men, five transgender women of color have been murdered in 2015 alone, unarmed unsuspecting Black men are shot by racist police officers and then denied justice, Christian values dominate a government which is supposed to be religiously neutral, Black women are told that their natural hair is unprofessional and ugly, proms can still be segregated, intersex children are operated on without consent, queer couples can be denied service in restaurants, teenagers can be proselytized while on public school property, women are expected to be sexy but punished for being sexual, LGBT+ rights are compared to bestiality, and oppressed minorities are told they are bullying the people of a country which claims they are free but doesn't treat them that way?

Oh, yeah, we have freedom of speech. But if it hadn't been for social justice, for Malcom X, for Rosa Parks, for Harriet Tubman, for Harvey Milk, for Alice Paul, for Lucy Burns, for Sojourner Truth, for Cesar Chavez, for Rosa Parks, for the Brown Berets, for the Black Panthers, for the Underground Railroad, that free speech and equality that you benefit so much from would be denied to anyone who dared to speak out against injustice.

Can you learn your history?

Because Black Trans Women are Beautiful

I've finally decided what to write.

In light of the recent murder of Black trans woman Penny Proud, the fact that it's Black History Month, and the fact that Black and trans women are systemically dehumanized and demeaned as well as disproportionately raped and murdered, I've decided to write a feminist YA fantasy fanfiction celebrating and affirming the beauty and diversity of Black women, trans women, and women who are both. How, you ask?

Isabelle Lorde.

Belle, along with several other queer women and women of color (and nonbinary people of color), is a main character in this fanfiction. She's the reincarnation of the Greek goddess of beauty, love, and sexuality, Aphrodite. She's also a dark-skinned Black Haitian trans woman, the behaviorist for her team of monster fighters and assorted supernatural badasses, and generally awesome.

And, of course, the story is going to contain a lot of discussion about Black women (I've asked a lot of questions to make sure I'm doing this respectfully, but if you see something problematic or disrespectful, let me know) and queer women in real life, because real life Black women, queer women, and Black queer women are awesome and deserve to be celebrated and written about.

I doubt I'll finish by the end of February, but I will finish.

I love writing about women and nonbinary people, especially those of color. Marginalized people are awesome and our stories - their stories, right now, because I'm white and Black people deserve to take center stage this month - and struggles deserve to be told, especially in fantasy. Because white cishet men aren't the only ones who can be badass.

Black History Month Playlist

music from Aretha Franklin

music from Gloria Gaynor

music from Destiny's Child

music from Janet Jackson

music from Ella Fitzgerald

music from Louis Armstrong

music from Jimi Hendrix

music from Bob Marley

music from Rapsody

Using Transphobic Slurs Is Not Respectful (TW: transphobia, cissexism, dysphoria, and slurs)

It's about fifteen minutes before my first class starts, but I just had to write this.

A bunch of people in the geek scene at my school - yes, we have a geek scene and yes, I am in it (actually, a lot of trans people are geeky or nerdy, simply because geek and nerd "culture" is pretty accepting of misfits on the whole)  - were talking about weightlifting.

My (cis male) friend Jordan: You can lose like twenty to thirty pounds in three days with weightlifting.
A cis girl named Elena who I kind of know but not really: Noooo! My mom and I tried that and we just bulked up.
Jordan: Well you have to run afterward.
Elena: It's different for you. You're a guy. We have different genetic...you know...
Jordan: Genetic codes?
Elena: We just end up looking like...like he-shes.
Me (annoyed): He-shes?
Elena: Yeah, you know, they look like a guy when they're really a girl. Or they look like a girl when they're really a guy.
Me (pointedly): You mean they're transgender. (sighs, disgruntled) I have scholarship stuff to work on.

And then I left, knowing that if I spent one more moment around this girl, she'd end up making even more micro-aggressions and I'd lose my temper and scream at her.

To clarify, I think it was rather obvious that I'm genderqueer. I have an awesome new androgynous pixie cut that can look masculine when I want to look masculine, and feminine when I want to look feminine. The jeans I was wearing were relaxed-fit boyfriend cut, a style beloved by many in the genderqueer community for its androgyny and ability to minimize leg, hip, and butt curves. My graphic t-shirt (it has a tent logo across the chest and the words chat room underneath), which was layered over a sports bra and three tank tops, came from the men's section, and I had the sleeves on my hoodie rolled up because I'd heard it helped to distract from breasts (I don't have a binder, but with all the effort I put it, those things damn well better have at least looked like large, well-defined pecs).

I mean, sure, a lot of the geekier girls at my school tend to go for a more tomboyish style, but most of them don't actually have any real desire to not look like girls. They just don't care what other people think. None of them looked like me, actively trying to make their hair, bodies and faces look more masculine on some days but liking dresses and jewelry and makeup on others.

Now, on with the post as I explain what is so wrong with he-she - though in a fair world, I wouldn't even have to.

Trans men are not women. They are men. Regardless of what is between their legs or what they are trying to conceal under binders, hoodies, undershirts, whatever, they are men. They are hes. Trans women are not men. They are women. They are shes.

And above all, trans people, whether binary or not, are people. We aren't he-shes. We're not liars or pretenders or monsters - we're just ourselves. We have our own identities, our own experiences, our own lives. We expect that to be respected. We deserve to be respected. Our rights, our humanity, our safety...those things aren't up for debate.

But when cis people use transphobic slurs or refuse to respect our pronouns or out us without our permission, they're saying, "I don't respect you. I don't consider your identity valid and even if I've only just met you, I know you better than you know yourself. And even if I do know you, I still don't respect you. I don't consider your privacy or feelings valuable, even if I'm related to you."

And that's not cool. So. Cis people, let's lay off the he-shes, transvestites, shemales, and trannies, mmkay? Because while you may not understand our identities, they are just as valid as yours.