Time to Set the Record Again

As some of you may know, it's Nonbinary Awareness Month.

As some of you may have figured out from my previous posts, I'm genderfluid. But I'm guessing most of you don't know what that means.

Let's start with the definition of transgender, shall we? Ask the average cis (non-trans) person, and they will tell you it means 'a man who wants to be a woman' or 'a woman who wants to be a man.'

No. Just no. That definition is so wrong it's not even funny. A trans woman is a woman, regardless of what it says on her birth certificate or what is between her legs. Same goes for trans men. They - or should I say, we - are not trannies. We are transgender. We are not freak shows. We are not anyone's entertainment. We are people. We deserve the same respect accorded to any cis person. And obviously, I am including myself in that statement. Because here's the thing: I'm transgender. I've already come out as bisexual and as pagan. Why not as another part of my identity: trans?

Now, let me clarify. On my birth certificate, it says 'female.' I have all the same parts as a cis woman - and, unfortunately for me, a little more than the average cis woman when it comes to cleavage.

I do not identify as male, despite the fact that when I was five years old, I cheerfully informed my parents that I was their son and have often preferred masculine clothing from the moment I was old enough to dress myself (though there was this one awkward phase during which I tried to force myself to be feminine because I thought I was a butch lesbian and that absolutely horrified me because I had this completely ignorant image of what people with boobs and a vagina are 'supposed' to be). I occasionally wear dresses and jewelry and makeup - though these really shouldn't be considered exclusive to women; it's rather imbecilic that they are. I don't mind female pronouns, though I also want to use male or neutral ones. Because, while I am female, that's not all I am.

There are days when I feel so uncomfortable with the feminine shape of my face and the shape of my body that I just want to hide in a corner, days when I can't stand the thought of wearing a dress and my identity feels between the two binary genders. On those days, I'm androgynous. There are days when I don't mind wearing somewhat feminine clothing (but still no makeup or skirts), but still hate being gendered as female because on those days, I don't have a gender. On those days, I'm agender. And there are days when I do feel like a typical girly girl and want to wear makeup and dresses and pretty things. On those days, I'm female. And some other days, I'm somewhere in-between all of this.

In other words, my gender is fluid. Therefore, I identify as genderfluid.

Are we all clear on this? Good. For a more articulate explanation of what it's like to be genderqueer (an umbrella that encompasses all gender-nonconforming people who do not identify as the gender opposite of the one they were assigned at birth), check out this awesome video.

If you have any more questions, post them in the comments. Or ask me in person if you know me in real life.

Christian Microaggressions

I'm writing this post because certain Christians think they are entitled to make religious microaggressions.

It's against my beliefs - against the beliefs of most pagans, if not most non-Christians and some Christians - to judge anyone based on religion.

However, I have nothing against objective, well-thought evaluation. I have nothing against coming to conclusions through logic and reason, and then announcing them. In that sense, I will indeed judge people based on their religion - or rather, the behavior that they use their religion to justify.

I will judge the Taliban for using Islam as an excuse to be oppressive, vile murderers. Does that mean I am islamophobic? No. It means I am judging the Taliban and the persecution they perpetrate. Just as I judge the Taliban, I will judge Christian supremacists for being kyriarchal bigots - and often, equally as vile and oppressive and murderous as the Taliban. I will hold other people to the same standards to which I hold myself, and I will not be apologetic about it. If they don't meet these standards, I will judge and I will criticize. I will be a pain in the ass if I have to be.

And lately, I've had to be.

Christian supremacy is so pervasive in Western society, especially in America - even Michigan. Michigan is usually a pretty okay place to live, on the every day level - I'm probably safer here than I would be in, say, below the Bible Belt - but there are times when this state and the people in it just make me want to bang my head against a wall repeatedly.

Microaggressions are something that I, as a person with an intersectional, marginalized identity, suffer from all the time. From the casual use of words like 'retard' and 'slut' and 'faggot' in my school to teachers who don't seem to realize that accessibility is a thing to jokes about Ferguson that do not oppress me as a white person but which do enrage me as an empathetic human being, microaggressions are so incredibly prevalent in my life and even if it's just a joke, even if it's not known to the aggressor that their behavior is problematic, they're fucking not okay.

But this post is becoming rather long-winded, and I'm tired. So let's get to the point, shall we?

• "But you have to go to Mass." This was said to me while I still identified as Catholic, but had begun to question whether or not Christianity was right for me, as I was working at the church's pumpkin sale and skipped Mass because of that. Two things wrong with this: the aggressor assumed I was a Christian myself (though this assumption was somewhat reasonable) and it was ableist because it's frankly unrealistic to expect someone whose AD/HD was as bad as mine and who hadn't taken their Concerta that morning - because I usually don't on weekends, something that this aggressor knew perfectly well - to sit through anything that goes on for just over an hour, during which you're expected to be still (except for kneeling, standing up to sing, and getting the Eucharist) and listen to a long-winded - albeit friendly - priest the entire freaking time, and are reprimanded if you fail at doing so. I am seventeen years old, and this person was, to put it bluntly, not the boss of me. Besides, why the ever-loving fuck did it matter if I went to church anyway?
• The time a stranger proselytized to me in a supposedly secular space. A few weeks ago, I was in the parking lot of my public American high school, getting ready to walk home and not giving any indication that I even wanted to be approached, when an older woman, maybe in her fifties or sixties, walked up to me and said sweetly, "It's cold out, isn't it?" I don't like being rude, and in retrospect probably felt safe around the woman because she reminded me of my aunt Karen - which does not excuse her actions - so I engaged with Strange Lady in some brief small talk. Before I could even process what's going on or pick up on her social cues - eff you, cognitive difficulties - the lady said, while giving me a pamphlet about the Bible, "Here's some information about God. You might be interested." Sweet smile again, and she walked off - farther onto school property, likely preparing to recruit some other teens, who hopefully for them would be allistic and therefore better able to recognize social cues and escape. At the time, I was just like, WTF just happened? Looking back, I can't help but wonder what in the world she thought she was doing, proselytizing to random teenagers who were innocently trying to walk home, on the property of a public school. Separation of church and state, much?! Also, it pisses me off that she was only nice because she was trying to recruit me. Is she like this with everyone, only polite if they're Christians or if she's trying to get them to be? Would she have been even more rude if she'd known I was actually a pagan, sex-positive queer feminist? I'll never know, but she sure gave the impression that she would have been.
• That thing my mom said while we were holiday shopping. Then, when my aunt Heather (yes, Jeffory, Aunt Heather is Abby's mom) informed her of this tonight at my cousin Sam's birthday party, Mom had the nerve to tell me I'd been rude. Really?! (In case you're wondering, I half-jokingly informed Aunt Heather that she was kicked off the blog and ignored my mother before my lovely PITA side decided to make an appearance. I rather like my PITA side, but there are times when you just gotta bite your tongue.) Later, when she and the stepdad were discussing whether to go to church tomorrow, she asked me whether I thought church on Christmas Day was enough. As a pagan and as someone who frequently forgets their AD/HD medicine on the weekends, I was of course eager to avoid church. So I quickly said that I thought it was, and then proceeded to inform her that I thought nature was a better setting in which to worship God anyway, I'd never liked Mass (except for the music), even when I'd been an extremely devout Christian, and the idea of worshiping the Creator of the Universe in some man-made building as opposed to creation itself just confuses the living daylights out of me. But I digress. And that leads us to the latest...
• "If you want to be a Catholic, you have to go to Mass." Clearly, Mom knows I'm a pagan now (also, this probably means she also knows I'm queer. Hi, Mom!). The fact that she got this information from Aunt Heather, who got it from my blog, should be a pretty clear indication that I do not want to be a Christian. Does she respect my intelligent, well-thought decision? No, she doesn't. Because the fact that I'm not a Christian despite having been born into a Christian family and having mostly Christian friends obviously means there's something wrong with me. I'm a pagan, so clearly I need to be brought back to the "winning team", to quote that episode of The Simpsons where Lisa becomes a Buddhist. Here's the thing: I have no desire to become a Christian. I'm a pagan and very happy with that fact. She also seems to think that my calling her out on these aggressions and the others that she has made is a personal affront to her. It's not. It's me explaining my frustrations with Christian supremacy and microaggressions during a season which is so frequently associated with Christianity but is also a time of celebration for Judaism, quite a few European pagan paths, and God (pun intended) knows what other religions. It's me talking about the fact that I resent her ignorance and that of so many other Christians when it comes to something that is not only a vital part of my identity but hugely influenced our family history and that her religion had appropriated for the holiday we were celebrating.

I should really get some sleep. It's after midnight. Blessed be to all, and to all a good night.

My First Holiday Season as a Pagan

Okay, I unfortunately did not get to do a lot of the things on my 'making Yule special' list this year, only because I started preparing so late. I did go on a lot of hikes (there's not much snow around here, and there's a trail near my house) and meditate and pray. It was cool. And I got to eat some traditional Yule food (sort of) when we had squash at my stepfamily's Christmas party last Saturday.

I did end up giving knitted presents to a lot of family members. Mostly book marks, but I also made a doll, using my own pattern, and I gave it to my four-year-old cousin Abby. The book marks were cute - little strips of knitted material in different colors, with fringes or buttons or ribbon for accents. Right now, I have a red baby's hat going on a loom, and an infinity scarf on my 19-mm plastic needles. I'll give the hat away or sell it, but the scarf has too many mistakes to anything with but keep it. It still looks okay, but I'm just really rusty. This winter is the first time I've knitted in a little over two years.

Obviously, though, when you're one of the only pagan members and one of the only queer members of a mostly Christian, cishet family, there's going to be complications.

A day or two before Christmas, I was explaining to my mom how 'Deck the Halls' used to be about a booze-fueled Christmas party until the lyrics were changed and references to Yule were added, and how Christmas is basically Yule with Jesus. I found this fascinating - I find religion and history in general fascinating - but apparently with her it went in one ear and out the other, because she just gave me this sh*t-eating grin and said, "Well it's a good thing we believe in Jesus!"

 In all fairness, I haven't really talked to her about the whole paganism thing. Or the whole bisexuality thing. Or the gender fluidity thing. I don't even think she knows I like girls, despite the fact that I'm a member of like a million LGBTQ+ groups on Facebook, my profile says 'Interested In: Men and Women', and she loves Facebook. But still, she makes little microaggressions all the flipping time and it's so annoying. If I didn't look so infuriatingly much like she had when she was my age, I would wonder if we were even related. But she totally missed the pissed-off look I gave her and as I got out of the car (because we were holiday shopping), she said cheerfully, "Don't be a pagan in there!"

Really? Really, Mom? I was, in fact, a pagan in there. I'm a pagan as I'm writing this. I'm a pagan every day. When I pray, I don't pray to the Abrahamic God. When I do things that pertain to my faith, they are simple prayers and meditations on our neighborhood hiking trail or entries and poems in my BOS. Should I, by some miracle, decide to get married, I'll have a Triple Moon Ceremony. Possibly with a woman. If I end up raising kids, I won't be raising them as Christians (because I'll educate them about all religions to the best of my ability while raising them as pagans and let them decide for themselves when they're older and can make the decision responsibly).

That's exactly what I wanted to say to her. But I digress.

Thankfully, none of the more holier-than-thou relatives tried to engage me or convert me (to cisnormativity, heterosexuality, or Christianity), but I did discover that I've hooked Ella and LiLi's sister Abby (not the four-year-old) on The Fosters, this awesome sitcom on ABC Family about a multiracial blended family with two moms. The news made me smile. I also teased Ella about her refusal to read the Harry Potter series (she apparently finds the magical aspect 'creepy', despite the fact that it can be argued that Jesus was magical. I know, I don't get it either).

There was a Catholic prayer with my mom's side before Christmas Eve dinner, but I can understand that. They are Catholic after all, and the presence of one pagan relative isn't going to change that. I just stayed quiet and quietly thanked the Universe with all its various spirits and deities for my food, good fortune, and health, while my relatives did their Christian thing. We all come from the same spiritual source, after all, and diversity is beautiful. The celebration of it needs to continue with us all, myself included.

Of course, we went to church on Christmas Day. I felt a little awkward - this was the first time I'd actually been inside our local church since admitting to myself that I no longer identified as Christian, since my parents aren't regular church-goers - but it was okay overall. There was a lot of singing and I do like singing. I changed the lyrics of 'Silent Night' to be a little more Yule-y, despite the fact that it was no longer Yule:

Round Yon Goddess Mother and Child
Holy infant so tender and mild
Sleep in heavenly peace...

 I heard some mutters from some of the older parishioners when I did that, but if someone I barely know wants to be ignorant, I don't really care as long as they don't do anything that will really hurt someone. I have as much right to freedom of religion as anybody else; I'm not obligated to pay lip service to a religion that has oppressed and murdered people like me for two thousand years.

Ahem.

So, merry meet, happy holidays, and have a good New Year.

Knitting!

I learned how to knit at age fourteen and kind of dropped it after a few months, but recently I've gotten back into it and am knitting a blanket. It's a bunch different colored squares, sewn together (well, it will be. I only have one square finished so far and I'm working on another), and the color scheme seems to be greens and blues, but I'll probably add in some reds and golds. The first square is two different yarns, a thick cream-colored one, I think wool, combined with a thinner blue-green. The square I'm working on now is a thick medium green yarn.

After a few more squares, I'm hoping to make a hat, scarf, and a few potholders. And after THAT, I might knit a knitting bag - in the colors of the rainbow, of course. I never really learned anything more complicated than a purse, but thanks to Google that might change :)

How I'm Making Yuletide Special This Year

So, yes. You've seen the other posts about my spirituality. It's pretty nature based, and my belief in gods tends toward a combination of pantheistic and (agnostic) polytheistic...that is, I believe that the ancient pantheons could exist, though I don't have any proof (and I will never; despite my personal beliefs, even the very existence of God(s) will never be able to be proven or disproven) but I don't worship them, I merely honor them and believe that they can affect the balance of things, and that when God created the universe They, in a sense, became the universe. Sort of like how Christians see angels and the Virgin Mary, really. Beyond that, I've pretty much summed up my beliefs on the subject of deities. I combine things that I feel drawn to from various religions, that I feel make sense based on my observations of life and my opinions about God. In other words, I'm an eclectic pagan (again, fundies, don't get your knickers in a twist. Freedom of religion, you know? I have just as much right to that as anyone else). Merry meet and blessed be.

I'm still going to youth group because I do think that Jesus existed and was an awesome dude who did some awesome things, I believe that all religions are connected and come from the same spiritual source, and I have friends there that I don't really get to see that often otherwise. We've had Buddhists and a witch in youth group before, so I don't think anyone really cares that much whether or not I'm Christian. And if they do or if I feel disrespected or violated, I'll leave. I'm not obligated to spend time around people who disrespect me.

One of the customs that I feel drawn to is the idea of Yule, or the celebration of the winter solstice and the rebirth of light. Someday, I hope to have a really awesome Yule party. But alas, I am a seventeen-year-old high school junior and this year that really awesome Yule party will not happen. But I did some research on Yule traditions so I can at least make the Solstice special in my own way. So, here is...

My Guide to Yule in a Christian Family

• Wear clothing in Yule colors (red, green, gold, white, silver, yellow, and orange)
• Do something with mistletoe, holly, poinsettias, and evergreen (yes, these "Christian" traditions were stolen from paganism. A lot of Christmas ones are)
• Decorate with red and gold bows (I'll probably put one in my hair)
• Drink wassail, spiced cider, and ginger tea
• Eat some roasted apples
• Light some cinnamon, pine, cedar, or bayberry incense or a candle
• Make Yule foods and bring them to family parties (these muffins sound awesome)
• If anyone gives you a hard time for partaking in Christmas traditions despite not being Christian (just in case), nicely educate them about the origins of wassail, holly, spiced cider, roasted apples and nuts, poinsettias, mistletoe, Christmas trees, "Christmas colors", and caroling, then ask why they're participating in Yule traditions if they're not pagan
• Go caroling. I recommend 'Deck the Halls'
• Think of Christmas as a time to enjoy being with family and a time to love others and celebrate new hope, the way a lot of people do nowadays, when you're celebrating Christmas with your relatives
• Write poetry, spells, prayers, whatever you want in your BOS (which I plan to make for myself soon)
• Go around saying "Merry Meet" and "Blessed Be" (traditional pagan greetings) and say "Happy Holidays" instead of "Merry Christmas" (because you don't know what someone else celebrates)

Our Health is More Important Than Your Religion

In one of the LGBT+ groups I'm a member of on Facebook, someone shared this article.

I know. I'm pissed too.

Religious freedom? What complete bullshit. How is it freedom and equal protection under the law, like the Constitution says all Americans are supposed to have, like everyone in the world should have, if I and so many others like me might die because it's supposedly okay for members of a religion that a lot of us don't even agree with to neglect our medical needs in the name of their religious freedom?

 Was it 'religious freedom' when autistics and accused witches and homosexuals and heretics were burned or hanged or tortured for hundreds of years in the name of Christianity, and are likely still today? Was it religious freedom when Black lives were completely devalued, their bodies destroyed and beaten by brutal slavery, because White Christians felt that Blacks were somehow inferior to them? When an autistic boy died because a preacher knelt on his chest while trying to exorcise the 'demon' that had 'caused' his autism? When so many Muslims were murdered simply for staying true to their faith and the home that had been theirs for centuries, because Queen Isabel wanted her people to be Christian? When the Spanish invaded the Americas and obliterated so much Aztec, Inca, and Maya culture, and then enslaved the people of those civilizations? How about when the English and French pillaged the villages of Native Americans, raped and killed their people, and called them savage and worthless - after those same people had welcomed them and tried to be their friends? Is that the kind of bullshit religious freedom these oppressive bastards want? 

Look, I frankly don't give a shit what religion anyone is or even if they have one. What I give a shit about is the way they act. What I give a shit about is if people are getting hurt. If someone thinks their right to practice their religion is somehow more important than another person's safety or health or rights or life, I will fight back.

With my nature-based spirituality, neurodivergency, bisexuality, affinity for masculine clothes, desire for a chest binder, feminist values, dancing, and quick temper, a lot of the fundies reading this blog - though why they're even here, I have no idea - probably think I'm some kind of demon. They probably think everyone unlike them is a demon, out to destroy them and persecute them and take away their bullshit Christian freedom when really, we just want equality. That's prejudice on their part, and it's getting people killed. So we need to do something about it. The question is, what?

Why Straight People Shouldn't Say 'Homo', 'Queer', 'Fag', or 'Dyke'

Okay, you can read the title. It's been a problem at my school, and none of the straight kids seem to know why it bothers me.

Fag and its variations mostly seem to be said by straight cis men afraid of seeming gay or by anyone who doesn't think about what it really means and the nasty history behind the term, which even I am not fully educated about so I won't talk about it here. Not even gay men have fully reclaimed 'fag' yet. Straight people sure as heck don't get to use it.

As for dyke, I wouldn't mind being called that by another lesbian or BPQ woman, but anyone else...just no. It's like the n-word. If you're not black, you shouldn't say the n-word - I don't, because I know it was originally a horrifically oppressive slur invented by white people to empower white people. If you're not a queer woman, you shouldn't say dyke for the same reason. It was invented by straight people to empower straight people.

Nobody who says homo really seems to mean anything bad by it. They just use it as a synonym for gay, and the justification is "It's the prefix for homosexual." Yes, it is. And in theory, it shouldn't be shameful to be homosexual or non-monosexual. In actual practice, the word homo is used to shame people, particularly gay men or people perceived to be gay men - even if they're actually straight women who happen to have penises. If you're not part of a marginalized group, you don't get to decide which words used to refer to that group are derogatory.


Queer, for me, is a term of pride. It says that I'm different and that I do not have to be ashamed of that. I proudly refer to myself as queer and to other LGBTQ+ people as queer, and many of them do the same. However, it's taken thirty years to really make significant progress in reclaiming the word queer, and we're still not done yet. So straight, cisgender, dyadic people don't get to use it.

Figuring It All Out

I still feel weird talking about this during Advent, but it needs to be said. I need to figure out what religion I am.

Yes, I realize I don't need a label right now, but I like labels. They give me a sense of confirmation, a sense that the world makes sense if I have a term by which to identify, as ridiculous as even I know that sounds. If somebody else doesn't like them, I'll respect their choices, but that doesn't change what I want for my life. So I need to figure it out.

Gah, awkward phrasing. Moving on. I'm making the font smaller to make the post less lengthy.

So, here's what I believe on various things:

Sex: I'm very sex-positive, while also affirming asexuals and believing that asexuality should be more respected. I've never had sex and don't intend to any time soon - I want to put school first and don't have time for dating. But I hate, hate, hate slut-shaming and SWERF. The choice of whether or not to have sex should be a very personal thing, and that choice - made maturely and responsibly, with proper sex education backing up the decision - should be respected regardless of what it is. I also support sex work, believe that all people should have sexual autonomy, and that sexual autonomy should be respected. I'm very firm and inflexible on consent, and unless someone freely, enthusiastically, and maturely consents to sex, you don't ever even touch them in a sexual way, and the minute that consent is taken away, you back off. It doesn't matter if you were "just playing around" or some such BS. It doesn't matter if someone was drinking or had on a short dress or they're your romantic partner. Unless consent is freely, enthusiastically, and maturely given, you leave them alone - and if you don't, it's not their fault. It's yours, and you should suffer the same consequences as any other rapist.

Marriage: Everyone should have the right to get married and to have it be called marriage, but no one is entitled to get married if not everyone has that option. I also think that no one should be forced to get married and I don't agree with arranged marriage. Unless you're the one actually getting married, you don't get to decide who is getting married to whom. I believe in divorce; what good would forcing people who don't love each other to stay married do? I believe in polygamy, but not only that men should be allowed to have more than one wife. I believe that women should be allowed to have more than one husband, that women should be allowed to have more than one wife, that men should be allowed to have more than one husband, and so on and so forth (there needs to be a better gender-neutral word for 'spouse'). I believe that marriages should be equal partnerships and that there needs to be more centers for domestic abuse, whether or not that abuse takes place within a marriage. Celibacy isn't a bad thing, but no one should be made to feel like they have to be celibate (except for priests and nuns, but that's different - it's part of their job) or shamed for their personal choice of whether or not to be celibate. For myself, I see no real reason to get married but I believe that I should have the right to do so. What's the point, besides things like tax deductions? Being married doesn't make my love for my partner more valid, only legally recognized.

God: God is the Universe itself and the source of all life and love - God is love. God is completely gender-neutral, having no gender and at the same time all genders. They love everyone equally and infinitely and doesn't (I'm using the singular they here) discriminate based on religion, race, sexual orientation, gender, sex, body size, socioeconomic class, nationality, citizenship status, age, or disability but when someone senselessly harms another or feels threatened by what they don't understand, they distance themselves from God. I believe that God can be found in love and brought closer to humans through love, nature, sex, meditation, prayer, art, or friendship.

Homosexuality and Gender Diversity: Now, let's consider this for a moment...

The Afterlife: I believe in an afterlife. I believe in ghosts, and in angels. I do not believe in hell - not the fire-and-brimstone variety; that was purely Dantean and I'm not even sure why so many Christians believe in that. I do believe that if there is a hell, it's simply the absence of God. As for Heaven, Heaven is like pure light and pure love, engulfed in the love of the God who loves us so much more than we could ever comprehend but seeks to expand us and not limit us. I also think reincarnation exists and that it's completely possible to remember past lives.

As for figuring it all out, I'm currently researching religion to try to find something that I feel I can identify with. So far, Wicca seems promising, but I dislike the erasure of gender diversity that seems to be found in that.

Christian Supremacy and Me

I believe in God. I think Jesus is awesome. And today, when a random stranger on the street tried to 'save' me by handing me a booklet on the Gospel, I ripped that booklet up and threw it away.

Lately, I've really had my eyes opened to Christian supremacy. I mean, being bi, I've dealt with rude Christians who felt the need to 'help' me and didn't know when to back off or couldn't take the hint that I didn't want or need their twisted 'help'. And honestly, I used to be one of those Christians, though I never had a problem with gay people (and thank goodness, because otherwise realizing I was one would have been so much more horrifying to me). The way I acted wasn't cool, and I'm glad that I know that now so I can make amends for my actions.

My experiences, whether panic attack-inducing, like a Christian 'friend' harassing me on Facebook or simply annoying, like a girl I was paired up with for a school project on a Judaism-based novel acting like Christians are the only ones who understand what it means to be created for a higher purpose (and thereby dominating the conversation by talking about something that was irrelevant, inaccurate, and didn't pertain to the project), have been bad enough. But other people have had it worse. Sex workers, for example - what's so wrong with paid sex if it's consensual and safe? Not to mention everyone oppressed by the KKK, every woman who has died because she couldn't terminate the pregnancy endangering her life, all the people killed for being pagan or Jewish or disabled or queer, all the wives beaten because Christianity said they were to submit to their husbands, all the accused witches in the Salem witch trials, all the Muslims killed by Queen Isabella during the Moorish age, all the autistics mistaken for changelings and murdered during the Middle Ages, all the people cut off from their families for being different? How can someone do any of that and still claim they are acting out of love?

They can't - well, I guess they can but their argument is basically "But the Bible says so." And the fact that so many Christians still seem to think they are entitled to some kind of special deference after all of this is just sickening.

Not to mention, the reasoning. I mean, there's no way God wouldn't have been able to know that there would be other religions or people without religion, and if He had a problem with that He could easily force people to bend to His will. There's no way He/She/They/Xe (I see God as being pangender) would ever be like, "Just obey me unquestioningly, don't act on the sexual desires I gave you, don't get an abortion even if your life is in danger, always forgive someone no matter how badly they've hurt you, submit to your husband at all times, don't question authority even when the authority is being oppressive or unreasonable, don't fall in love if I created you gay or transition if I created you transgender, don't try to figure out the world that I created for you, and you'll be juuuuust fine." It makes no sense. There's also the fact that some people would legitimately have no idea about Christianity - so why would God send someone to hell for not being a Christian? If you look at history, there are no cultures that started out Christian - and the ones that became predominantly Christian had Christianity forced on them. When you think about it, most Christians (the conservative ones, at least) were raised Christian. Had they been raised Jewish, or Hindu, or Muslim, they would have been just as gung-ho about Judaism or Hinduism or Islam. A small child can't decide objectively for themselves what they believe, and they're going to trust what their parents and other authority figures tell them.

Am I a Christian? As I said at the beginning of the post, I believe in God and really admire Jesus - but I don't think Jesus is the only path to eternal paradise, whether you call it Nirvana or Heaven or the Summerlands or something else (I commonly use the term Heaven as it feels familiar to me, but I also like the pagan term 'Summerlands'). I agree, basically, with Christianity as Jesus intended it to be - love - but not with Christianity as people have allowed it and facilitated it to become. I am friends with Christians, most of you probably know that I was raised Christian, and I go to a Christian church and youth group (they know about my opinions on religion and there are several openly queer youth group members, so that hasn't been a problem yet). However, all things considered I can't theologically call myself a Christian.

 Do I hate Christians? Well, that depends on the Christian. I don't care what other people believe as long as their beliefs and the subsequent actions don't hurt anyone. However, if their beliefs do hurt people - and Christian beliefs often do and have for centuries - then I will fight back. Human rights are not up for debate, and I don't think God would ever intend for them to be. But, largely because of Christianity, they often are.

A Sort-of Random Poem

In my lit class, we wrote book spine poetry - that is, we took books out of the library and stacked them up so the titles formed lines of poetry.

Here's mine:

Ever after
Dreamland
The world we live in
Consumed
Behind the gates
Echo
Secrets of truth and beauty

Victory!

I won NaNoWriMo! 55,309 words!

Okay, the last three chapters were mainly the main characters swearing for several pages, but hey, that's what revision is for!

Also, the title is now Not Another Corny Road Trip Love Story, I changed Ani's name to Atea, and my English teacher is making me promise to make him a character (so I'm including this wizard guy who is like half him and half Dumbledore). It should be fascinating.

Other interesting notes: I am finding it hard to get used to using contractions again, not working on my novel in class (I usually get my homework done early, and since I'm pretty quiet, none of the teachers really care much what I do after that), and writing numbers as digits and not words again.

Also, I just want to say how proud I am of the other participants, especially a certain German blogger who goes by Betty and speaks amazing English. I know that this NaNo has been hard for her, because she based part of her novel on her relationship with her crappy ex-boyfriend, and I think she was very brave for pushing herself through that.